Not dead, not dead!

Hey all! Sorry I've been so quiet lately, the sex has been mostly vanilla lately. I know, I know, blasphemy, but it's been good! We'll be back after the new year, in all likelihood, with some new stories!

I have a trigger!

And it's a trigger that works fantastically, and I say this after a few runs. We took the feeling I had of being tipsy (even though, of course, I wasn't really) and gave me a trigger for it, basically. It makes me more stupidly horny than drunk, which works out just fine for everyone, I think. :p

Half the time, when Nauzy triggers me with it, I feel like I'm acting, but obviously it works on my subconscious, because the other day when he triggered me I totally was trying to seduce him while triggered, but after he shut it off I wanted nothing to do with sex. Not that I think I would've regretted it if we had, though. ;)

Anyhow, yay, working trigger. I'm pleased. :D

A Story About How Arel Is Really Fucking Suggestible

Hey guys! I'm really, really suggestible! Also: Sky still blue! Film at eleven!

No, seriously, I've known I tend to be more suggestible outside of trance (see: the spectacular results of that waking trance earlier this summer), but I hadn't realized to what extent. Here is how I found out: I've been a good college kid, so far; haven't gone to any parties and gotten really drunk like, um, you're supposed to do, or something. I mentioned a while ago (no, a while; like, a year ago) to Nauzy that I've always thought it might be hot to get drunk and have sex. This, I've since realized, is probably because of the cultural expectation that alcohol makes one less inhibited, and what is hypnosis if not lowering people's inhibitions?

So, Nauzy, even before we got into hypnosis, always agreed with me that it would probably be hot. We never got around to me trying anything alcoholic, though, till last weekend.

I considered this kind of a test run; a pilot study, if you will. I basically sampled all the liquors, and several liquers, that he had on hand (Nauzy's been overage much longer than I have :p), after eating dinner, which was mostly chicken. I had maybe a few mouthfuls total.

But, since I was having alcohol, and I don't know what my tolerance is like, I started feeling really... wierd, merely under the cultural suggestion that alcohol does things to you. I started feeling lightheaded and unsteady on my feet. I got giggly. And, most interestingly, I started feeling really aroused. No, really, I was really, really, really turned on. Most likely because I was feeling out-of-control, and of course Nauzy was there to be in control.

The most amusing part, though, is that of course I wasn't actually feeling the effects of alcohol whatsoever. I'd just had a bunch of protein, which slows the metabolization of alcohol, so there's no way I could be getting tipsy that quickly; and I didn't have much at all in the first place. So I can conclude that anything I felt was merely suggestion, which, you know, isn't surprising at all, what with all the other shenanigans I get up to :p

The sex after was completely vanilla but excellent, for the record. And I didn't much like any of the things I tried, except the Frangelico. I'm told it's an acquired taste. I suppose next weekend we'll see how I react to alcohol in reality. In the meantime, I'm thinking that it might make more sense for Nauzy to give me suggestions when I'm awake, if this is any indication. :p

Hehehe

I don't usually do celebrity crushes, because they are quite pointless. But I can't help but have one on Lady Gaga, of all people. I mean, yeah, she is pretty hot, but also she has feminist sensibilities, (Boys, Boys, Boys, I mean), she is bisexual and she is pretty damn awesome on the being-gay-is-cool front.

But most importantly, who can resist someone who sings lyrics like this?

Car Trancing

He put me under in the car! (he was driving, of course.) And an interesting thing happened. Have you ever closed your eyes when someone else is driving, and tried to guess where you are based on how the car is moving? I'm usually waay off. This time, after I was woken up by a particularly silly phrase, I realized we were right where I figured, somewhere in the very back of my head, we would be. Interesting! Probably due more to the road we were on than the trance, but you never know.

Oh, and if you're wondering, the phrase was, "...and we'll hop out of the car and have a delicious burrito."

Open-eye trances

So Nauzy's gotten good enough to do pretty hot eye-focus inductions. Or, you know, something resembling them; I go under so fast I'm not sure it's fair to call it an induction. :p

The other day he put me under and told me to keep my eyes open, and it was awesome. It was quite different from an eyes-closed trance. Since I'm not used to being under with my eyes open (I associate open eyes with being awake), I found I had to focus quite a bit on staying under, which worked nicely because it tied up most of my conscious mind, and left my subconscious mind free to take suggestions. I rather like the way hypnotized people in movies and such sometimes have blank, open eyes, and Nauzy seems to like that look as well. :p A+; will try again.

In other news, we finally made it to the erotic hypnosis munch in Boston, and got to meet many excellent people I'm sure I'll get to know well, once we can make it out again.

Back to sexy things, he pulled off a really, really hot... I don't know what to call it. I was mostly awake, lying down (I say "mostly," because he put on his Voice and I wavered a bit). I didn't want to get up. He was sitting next to me, murmuring in my ear something about how he may or may not have given me a suggestion, but that I might just find myself sitting right up when he snapped his fingers.

"You didn't give me a suggestion like that," I said, smirking. "I'd remember it."
"Didn't I?" He raised his eyebrows. "But it doesn't matter if I did or if I didn't, because I think when I snap my fingers in a minute it'll be soo easy for you to sit right up," and in a minute, he snapped his fingers, and I sat up.

I honestly don't know what to call it, but the way he set it up and worded it was awesome, and perfect, and totally hot. And I told him so. :p And, of course, sitting up is probably a good thing to start with if he's going to be making me do things on command. Positive reinforcement and all that, and sitting up doesn't have any of the "humiliating trick" associations I make with some common suggestions (forgetting a number, for example. I'm not sure if you could convince me to forget a number, then wake me up and make me count. Maybe if I went really deep, and it was in private, and we'd agreed to it beforehand). I digress. It was excellent. I definitely want more of those, whatever we call them.

Interestingly, though, and probably because I was awake when he started: I made a semi-conscious decision in the very back of my head to comply with what he wanted after I knew what it was. It was like, "sitting up? Oh, I can do that, no problem. But will I?" And I left some suspense for myself. It made me feel a little like I had too much control over the situation-- after all, I know I could've said "no, I won't do that, Nauzy," and, you know, not done it. I kind of crave not having a choice in obeying commands, and fear it very much; enough, I guess, that I run suggestions by myself before I accept them, both on a conscious and subconscious level.

....you know, which is kind of the point; that's what's supposed to happen, after all. So maybe it's not that wierd, anyways. I just wish I wasn't aware of it as much as I am, and I wist I wouldn't start, when I'm under and he gives me a suggestion, and contemplate what he's saying. Maybe we can avoid that if he's more subtle with the way he puts in suggestions. Hmmm.

I'm not dead!

Really, I'm not, I've just had nothing to say. Until today, when he hypnotized me and we had sex and he woke me up in the middle of it and it was marvelous! He did everything right and it was wicked hot and he made me say things and do things and....

and it's all way too fuzzy for me to blog about it properly, for Nauzy has discovered the perfect way to make me forget things and is using this power for evil, not the good of our blog. :p

That said, what he does that works is: he tells me that I'll forget [contents of trance], and the only thing I'll remember is him telling me to forget. It works really well, and it's quite hot. I only have vague memories of today's sexiness because I was making mental notes to remember things he was doing right (to tell him, positive feedback and all that), and I was trying to remember stuff he said to masturbate to later. ;p

Ah well. Maybe he'll enlighten you.

Things that are frustrating

1. Being put under, getting nice and comfy and totally blank, then hearing the words "I'm going to wake you up in a few minutes..."
2. Having that done to you five times in a row!
3. not being able to agree on a trigger word, and worrying that the trigger won't work because I am terrible with triggers
4. missing out on a bunch of hypno-munches.

NB: when your sex life suffers because you aren't being hypnotized enough, it's safe to say you have a fetish.

Flipping pages mindlessly

I'm flipping through a cookbook in a store, kind of quickly but lazily. Nauzy comes up behind me and leans in, starts talking quietly in a particular velvety tone of voice. Something about how I might just start flipping the pages mindlessly... without even noticing what's on them... just drifting...

Then I came to, and flipped back a few pages to read a particularly tasty-looking sandwich recipe. I have decided that this in public stuff can be rather hot!

Erotic Hypnosis on PostSecret!

My reaction should probably be more like "it's about time!" but I'm more surprised. Most of you probably (maybe?) know of PostSecret, a blog to which people can mail anonymous postcards with secrets on them. Usually they're pretty dark and/or sad, and this one isn't really any exception.



For those who can't see it, it's an old-er looking picture of a hand swinging, what else, a pocketwatch, with text that reads, "My wife doesn't know about my erotic hypnosis fetish... I think she'd be way too freaked out to tell her..."

Kind of cool to see our fetish out there, but it's a sad reminder of all the people who don't have a partner for it (of the mind control persuasion and otherwise), and all those who were rejected by a partner.

Me, I'm very, very thankful to have Nauzy.

A Number on my Subconscious!

I went deep today, deeper than I usually go. It probably had something to do with all of the utterly awesome and exhausting sex that went on both before and after trance. *makes notes*

He gave me a bunch of suggestions, of course, and I only remember one: it was that I'd feel the need to press my body up against him more often (while spooning and when hanging out in general). He needs to give me suggestions like this, of course, because, well, I love spooning, but I like my space too. :p

After he woke me up, that was the only suggestion I remembered clearly, so being the inner skeptic/brat that I am, I ran some mental tests. It did feel really good to cuddle so closely (and I was while I was thinking about it XD) ...but was that due to the sex? I tried to picture what I'd done in the past after sex. I usually roll over and get as far away from his sweaty self as possible, don't I?

What're you talking about? My subconscious seemed to say. You love cuddling after sex! And, try as I might, every time I tried to picture what I did, my mental self always -- always-- snuggled very closely up against him.

I have to say, it was deeply amusing watching my conscious and subconscious minds argue a bit. :p

Oh, and while I'm here. He used some nice passive forgetful wording ("you can let yourself leave these suggestions in trance") and when I was coming up, he described it as if I were waking up from a heavy sleep, and I seemed to take that as me waking up and forgetting a dream, ie, the suggestions. I'm impressed. :D

A Truly Awesome Analogy

He'd been telling me, when I was under, that I loved to be helpless, and helpless other things, helpless etc. Something about it was rubbing me the wrong way, so when he woke me up I explained it to him.

"I like helplessness... but only when it's with something else. I don't like being helpless in and of itself, but it's really hot when it's combined with obedience or being under your control." He nodded, I paused thoughtfully. "Kinda like ketchup. You wouldn't eat it with a spoon, but it tastes pretty great on burgers!"

Literal Hypno-Sex

So, what've we been up to lately? Mostly we've been trying to avoid people enough to properly hypnotize me for a couple hours: if it's not one person in the way, it's another. Fortunately, we found time and space this weekend. And if the stars align, in two weeks we'll be attending hypno-munch in Boston, organized by one DrSlashBlight who I'm sure is reading this (hi!). Pretty exciting.

We've been having a *lot* of sex lately, kinky or not, and believe it or not Nauzy lasts quite a while, sometimes to the point where I have to tell him to stop because I'm tired/finished/getting sore. This happened the other day, so we stopped and cuddled for a while. He was still very obviously very aroused, so I told him he was welcome to keep fucking me, as long as I was in trance for it (I suppose our dynamic's weird like that. How many subs give their doms permission to fuck them? :p). Anyhow, he did.

I have no idea how frequently this occurs in the hypnoerotic world, but I absolutely love it. Something about being... limp and having no responsibility whatsoever, whilst being overloaded with pleasure... can't quite put my finger on it. ;) If any of you guys do anything similar, let me know, because I don't think I've heard of it outside of fiction.

Other things we did, besides all the sex. I gave him a few suggestions (ha) on what might make me forget suggestions better: bringing me deeper before suggesting anything, bringing my attention to something sexy/distracting post-suggestion. And to some extent, they worked, though I keep having "aha" moments when I think about that trance. Though he never specifically told me to forget the suggestions, they're gradually fading. Doubtless my traitor brain will remember them clear as day when he chooses to use them, though. We'll see.

We have adopted a sparkly dangly shiny crystal-on-a-chain for object fixation, which has made me discover a most curious phenomenon: I am afraid of it. Not in a phobic way, but... he'll hold it up and dangle it next to his face when we're talking about something else, and I will feel afraid to watch it and will stridently stare at his face instead.

I told him what he ought to do is tell me to look at the crystal directly, instead of assuming I'll do it myself. As to why it scares me, though-- well, I think it ties into tho fetish-from-fear theory. Him hypnotizing me is kind of normal now, not so taboo in my mind, not so new, but crystals (even though they're hypnosis) are. And I find object fixation so very hot that it pushes the fear/arousal buttons harder, I guess.

Now I am truly rambling. :p Hopefully I will have more to blog about in less than a month!

In which I am very, very obedient

Okay, time I posted some sexy stuff. Nauzy and I have done some marvelous things of late. They seem to all blend together in my mind, though, so I am taking huge amounts of creative license.

I have gotten so very good at becoming so very blank and compliant when he so much as whispers in his Voice. Remember how I used to want so badly to go blank all the time? We don't even worry about it anymore, because when I'm under I might as well be blank. I get so receptive and calm and helpless and mmmm.

I mentioned to him that I thought it'd be particularly hot if he made me say things when I was under. So we got naked and he put me under when I wasn't even expecting it.

"I want you to repeat after me," he said. "'I am deeply hypnotized.'"
"I am deeply hypnotized."
"'I love being hypnotized.'"
"I love being hypnotized."
"'I am completely helpless.'"
"I am completely helpless."
It feels good to be helpless. I love being helpless. It feels so wonderful to be helpless. How does it feel to be helpless? So wonderful.

It actually wasn't as hot as I'd thought it would be. But it was still pretty nice. Somewhere in there I have a vague memory of him giving me suggestions that I loved obeying him, and I'd want to obey him even when I was awake.

..that one was hot. And it worked oh so well. The next night we were saying goodnight out at my car, and he made an offhand comment about how obedient I was and how much I would love kneeling and doing his bidding... and all of a sudden I noticed that my knees were giving way. I was starting to kneel without even having been given a direct command!

"Uh, d'you really want me to kneel in the parking lot...?" I asked. He pulled me back up and kissed me. "Probably not, no. But you are a very obedient, good girl, aren't you?"

I squirmed.

The "why" post

When I was receiving new thread notifications from the Submissive Women and the Comfy Chair groups on fetlife, at least once a week someone'd start a thread to the effect of: "why are we like this?" Here's my take on it.

There is a theory (heard it from the marvelous Dan Savage, I'm not sure if it's his or not) that some fetishes come from an intense fear, and the mind turns it into a sexual obsession in order to cope. I think that theory has some merit, at least for me, because I always have feared losing control or losing bodily autonomy. I hate and am really really terrified of local anesthesia, because I'm awake but I can't make use of whatever body part has been numbed. It's creepy, I'm not in control of my own body, and I hate it. But at the same time... I like being tied up, and I adore having my mind shut down so that I can't help but follow orders. It is an amusing contradiction.

I was mulling this over the other day with Nauzy, and we tried to see if he gets turned on by any of his fears. No such luck. "Maybe it's a matter of correlation rather than causation," he said. Possibly so. "That, and I'm sure the lingerie and high-heels fetishists weren't scared of them as kids," I replied, amused by the idea. "But consider this: the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) is involved in arousal and orgasm.... yet the parasympathetic nervous system (it does the opposite) has a hand in there too."

Who knows? There're probably quite a few different ways people develop fetishes or were born with them. Mine seems to be a fear response, though there's got to be more to it. Maybe the predilection to have fetishes is genetic, but needs to be triggered somehow. Maybe it's a matter of conditioning: someone likes masturbating to a certain kind of porn, and then it becomes the only kind of porn they can get off to (though, the turn-on would've still been there in the first place somehow...).

I think the only conclusion we can make is: human sexuality is immensely complicated, and I don't envy anyone researching it. :p

Sexy iphone apps!

I have an ipod touch, sadly, not as iphone per se, but I've found a few apps that might be useful/fun/hot for the technologically-savvy hypnofetishist.

First, the iHourglass. (link goes to the itunes store). There's a free version, too. I know one doesn't think of hourglasses when one thinks of hypnosis, but I was strongly reminded of this story, in which an hourglass is featured in an object-fixation induction.

The other one I have I came across on the MCforum; it's called Hypnopac (again, link goes to the itunes store). Rather more predictable, it plays a couple different spirals, as well as a swinging pocketwatch. I enjoy it. ;)

Microtrance

As I have repeated many a time, Nauzy and I don't have a lot of time or privacy to do good, solid, uber-deep trances these days. But he still likes having me go under, and of course I still love going under, so he's taken to putting me under for just a few minutes at a time. This has had the best possible effect: I can now go very deeply and passively very quickly, at just a few soothing, quiet words from him.

And, figure I should follow-up: the orientation issues worked themselves out (I am now comfortable attracted to girls), and my sex drive has reappeared.

Awesome. :D

Noobish mistakes, but some good news, too

We should probably find Nauzy a mentor, or something. We do all kinds of hypnotic stuff just slightly wrong, because neither of us knows better. This time: fooling around with my sexual orientation.

I've been bi-curious for a while, and Nauzy and I decided to give me some suggestions to boost my attraction to girls. They worked, but then my sex drive disappeared and I asked him to remove them. In reality, it was probably due to me being overtired than anything else, but I'm glad they're gone. They worked a little too well, I think-- I ended up craving sex with a woman, any woman, and seeing as most of my friends are women, it was a little awkward for a few days.

Live and learn, right? I do have good news, though!


<Nauzy> wasn't always the case but lately I've fantasized more frequently about talking my way into the pants of girls who have no idea who I am and yet can't help but go along with it....
<Nauzy> talking/molesting/whatever
* Nauzy shrugs
* arel's clit tingles a bit
<arel> go on.. ;)
<arel> (sounds hot. might be good for a story)
<Nauzy> (<.<)
<Nauzy> (>.>)
<arel> (hell..... here, if it was a story, it'd be the kind of story I'd bookmark.)
<Nauzy> (HMMMM)
<arel> (specifically the "talking my way" bit and "can't help going along with it" parts. ;)
* arel gets all wet and shit
<Nauzy> usually though I'm very vague in my own fantasies on the kind of things I say/do... concentrating instead on my victims' flustered, stumbling comments of helplessness....
<arel> >.>
<arel> <.<
<arel> like what?
<Nauzy> well
<Nauzy> "wait... no... ah... I--I can't stop..."
* Nauzy shrugs
<arel> and eventually they succumb to whatever you're doing?
<arel> I think we may be... fantasizing on the same wavelength.
<arel> I *really* like the kind of role the girl's playing there.
* Nauzy rubs hands together... and shit :p



Essentially, Nauzy and I have complementary fantasies. I think this'll bode very well for the future.