"the vanillas"

So, us kinky people are, you know, kinky. And people who aren't kinky we refer to as "mundanes" or "vanillas," or "vanilla people" into "vanilla sex," coming from vanilla's reputation as a plain, even boring, flavor (even though vanilla is one of the more complex flavors... go figure).

It's not hard to find examples of kinky folks talking derisively about vanilla sex. Coming from the feminist perspective that I do, I tend to not join in on that sort of thing, since vanilla sexual expression is as valid a type of sexual expression as any other, and being all "OUR SIDE IS BETTER" when both sides are equally fine leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Still, sometimes it's funny, and sometimes it's part of kink pride, which isn't a bad thing!

I mean, being kinky is still a diagnosable condition, at least until 2013 when the DSM-V comes out and you can have paraphilias or enjoy sadism without having a disorder. Kink is still not mainstream. Vanilla sex is what is represented in movies; indeed, usually if there's anything that can be read as kinky it's done without explicit consent and is pretty creepy.

I'm really not sure where I'm going with this, other than apparently someone in one of my my circles of friends was grossed out by my blog and said a bunch of misconceptions about BDSM when I wasn't there, and she was especially put off my use of the phrase "vanilla people." Even though I think "vanilla" is a totally valid descriptor for non-kinky sex, and when combined with "people," it is a perfectly humanizing turn of phrase.

But also, she said "and the concept of a "sex blog" bugs me too. It looks like a way of saying, "I have so much mind-blowing sex and it's like totally awesome!""

Um yes, yes it is. I have a lot of mind-blowing sexual experiences and it's totally awesome! Say it with me, folks!

A Scene That Would Be Hot

I'm having this guy over. Maybe he's an ex of mine, maybe he's a coworker, maybe he's a date I don't know very well yet... regardless, our relationship is such that sexual things aren't supposed to happen yet. Or ever.

I still totally think he's hot, though. And I'm glad to see him, even a little anxious when I open the door and let him in. We start the evening's activities, whatever legitimate thing he was supposed to come over for. Dinner and catching up on each others' lives, perhaps, or small talk, or just general hanging out. Despite the platonic quality of our relationship, there's something sexy and intimate about the evening. Wine with dinner. Soft music playing. Low lighting. Touching accidentally, but not minding. Maybe the movie we're watching almost uncomfortably reflects elements of our relationship, or evokes feelings we didn't know we had.

Slowly, we find ourselves in each other's personal space. Accidental brushes become more frequent. We start looking at each other in a different way. I contemplate his lips, wondering what they'd feel like on mine; his hands, how they'd feel, oh, in my hair, around my back, holding me tightly, working their way down my torso to tease my thighs...

It feels warm, suddenly. I feel warm. I realize he's sitting very close. How did that happen...? But I'm perhaps a little too befuddled by the alcohol, or how good he smells, or our very proximity, to think too hard about that. His face, his lips, are so much closer than before. I stare. He clears his throat, and my eyes jump up to meet his. He looks... delicious, and also... hungry. I vaguely wonder if that's how I look as I realize how wet I've gotten. He's staring at my lips, too.

"We shouldn't," I murmur.
"Or should we," he replies, a wicked glint in his eyes, a half-smirk on those tempting lips... and then he reaches over, grabs my chin, and pulls me forward into a soft, smoldering kiss. Letting me up for air, he asks "More?" and I can only moan my agreement before we're kissing again, harder now, more insistently.

He moves to my neck, letting me make as much noise as I like as he kisses up and down, melting my thoughts away, oh it feels so good... and oh, just like I'd imagined, just like I'd hoped, his hands run down my torso to feel my legs, taut from pleasure. His fingers stroke the inside of my thighs and I moan, ohhhh yessss...






And then, of course, there's a number of ways it could go from here. We could end with some lovely fingering and a (well, relatively) vanilla orgasm, or he could tease me more and make me beg and pull my hair before he fingers me, or perhaps, if I'm really lucky, he'd put me under and give me some sexy suggestions.

I suspect I will have little trouble finding partners interested in doing all of these things to me. ;]

PSA

So, Pseudonymous Dom and I broke up. Not related to the sex, just personal differences.

Kinky Sexting!

One thing Pseudonymous Dom is good at, in marked and very pleasant contrast to Nauzy, is his liberal use of social networking sites and text messages. Last night we were texting back and forth, and I said something about how all of the text-attention I was getting was making me feel awfully submissive, and he was surprised to hear that. He said, "someday I will learn how to work you properly, and it will he hot."

Something about the idea of "getting worked" has been driving me to distraction all day.

And today we were texting about how I have a meeting for work at 10:30 at night (yes, on a regular basis), and how my sleep schedule is totally fucked up, so it's not so bad. It's worth mentioning at this point that I self-identify as a morning person, but since I met Pseudonymous Dom, I've foregone my early rising for lots of late-night sexcapades.

"and whose fault is that?" he asked.
"yours :p :p"
"that is correct. don't you forget it."

I squirmed. Nothing like being talked sternly to to make me feel submissive!

Humiliation/Degradation

The other day I added "curious about degradation" to my fetlife list. It's been something I've been mulling over lately.

Pseudonymous Dom foisted a game of Columns (a strategy game) on me the other day. I'd never played before, and lost spectacularly. I hate losing games. Losing means that I am not competent at whatever game it is, that the other person is better and I have to recognize that. It's embarrassing. It emphasizes a power differential, in a way, between me and whomever I'm playing with. With my siblings, this situation is kind of weird. With a Dom I'm currently fucking, on the other hand...

And then, last night when I was a little drunk (or maybe a lot drunk, I'm not sure), I wandered into this IRC channel I hang out in. Lately that chan has been hearing a lot about my sex life, so I was blathering about how I wanted to get laid but couldn't because I was on vacation. This guy who was new to the chan, who I assume to be around my age, was hitting on me. We bantered for a while, I said some stupid stuff to my ex, and went to bed. I didn't think much of flirting with that guy.

Today, I log in, and said guy is there, pinging me repeatedly and annoyingly. We have the following exchange:

19:53 Arel: Dropkick: so who are you again?
19:53 Dropkick: MSPA dude
19:53 Ginger: The one who's going to DC.
19:53 Ginger: And isn't kinky.
19:53 Arel: ginger, hahahahaha
19:53 Arel: that's right.
19:53 Dropkick: right
19:53 Dropkick: that was me last night
19:53 Arel: I remember!
19:54 Dropkick: I'm sure you do Miss BDSM Bottom
19:55 Arel: I actually identify as a sub, thank you very much :p
19:55 Dropkick: I'm just taking the reference of the opposite of what you requested for in a partner, Arel

This turned me on, so of course the first thing I did was intellectualize it. :p He was talking down to me, and was basically pointing out that he knew some information that I didn't. AND he was making me feel silly and stupid while referencing a time when I'd been horny and foggy-minded and vulnerable.

See, like, I don't think I'd want to be put in a truly humiliating situation, but a little bit of it, like being put in my place or being made to feel helpless, so far seems to be sexy! I will keep an eye out for similar situations in the future.

You will be dissapoint! ...or perhaps not.

I struggle with communicating to my partners exactly the nuance of kink that I like. I can point to it when I see it, of course, but trying to explain what I want people to do to me is harder. (I think the best solution might just be to have a porn marathon, honestly. hotter and less work that way, right?)

Anyhow, this is not a post where I say I've figured it out. :p This is a post where I share a very sexy and vaguely kinky music video with y'all. In the event that youtube yanks it, it's the video for "Parachute" by Cheryl Cole.



The bit right around 0:30 is the vaguely kinky part. He totally grabs her and shoves her around, and it's so hot. The rest is just vanilla eye candy; Cheryl Cole, evidently, is extremely attractive!

A thought on alcohol

before I forget! Also, disclaimer, I am somewhat drunk at the moment. drunkblogging: don't try this at home, kids!

Alcohol makes me dizzy, and makes it harder to form coherent thoughts. It also makes me really, really wet. After a certain point, I'm usually just like "oh god I am so horny and can't think about anything other than sex, somebody needs to come take advantage of me NOW"

I will come back and edit this post to say something more sensical about why I like this state. Although, for a sub, it's probably pretty self-evident ;)

Ovulation

So, for the duration of my relationship with Nauzy, I was on the pill for birth control. I stopped taking it about a month ago; it worked fine for me, but I wanted to get back in touch with my body and other hippie-like things. :p

In any event, I ovulated last month, a few weeks ago, for the first time since I've become sexually active. It was basically two days of fucking awesome (though sadly not two days of awesome fucking), and I've been trying to figure out what I liked about it so much. Mostly because I've been gushing about it to people, and they've been asking what was so awesome about it, and I didn't really have an answer for them.

While ovulating, I felt confident, sexy, and generally much less inhibited. I was also horny for the better part of 48 hours, as you'd expect. Not in an "uugh I am so sexually frustrated BLAH" sort of way, like I've felt in the past; rather, it was a completely unbidden, really sensual sort of experience. I felt like I really needed cock (that was my exact line of thought at one point*), but I also felt like if I were to get cock then that I would enjoy it like I'd never enjoyed sex before. I was also hallucinating stuff really nicely.** Here's an excerpt from my journal:

So, two days ago, at the munch, I flipped through a couple of how-to-do-sexy-bondage books. They aroused me more than bondage normally does, and more than I would have expected from, you know, a how-to book. I went home and masturbated and had the most incredible orgasm, twice. I chalked it up to not having been laid, and not having been laid kinkily, for about six months.

Yesterday I was supposed to meet this guy for a date that might possibly lead to sex in the near future. Due to a misunderstanding on my part, we missed each other. As I was sitting in the cafe, waiting for him to show up, I very vividly and suddenly imagined him, sitting across from me, leaning over the table to kiss me, hard, with tongue. And it was so weird, because I could almost feel, on my lips, what a kiss would feel like, and how good it would feel, right then, and my stomach dropped in the most pleasing way that it does when I really. want. sex. I went home, masturbated some more, had some more friggin' awesome orgasms.

I should also add that, when I was trying to decide what to wear on the date, I decided "aw, fuckit, heels it is," when I never wear high heels, and have never worn high heels to a first meeting with someone. For some reason, I associate wearing sneakers and conservative t-shirts with being capable and in control, and skirts and heels with being out of control (or in someone else's control). since you have to be somewhat cautious on a first meeting, not being in control is not ideal. Dressing up for a first meeting makes me anxious. But this time, it didn't; probably because I already felt out of control.

I wasn't sure when I was going to ovulate that cycle, or if I was going to at all (first couple months off the pill are usually a little wonky), so I wasn't expecting it. And then, pow, all of a sudden I was horny and thinking about sex all the time, and masturbating five times a day, and doing things like having a working imagination. It's rather like I was triggered! Hmmm!

I think the disinhibition and spontaneity I felt are the keys to why it was so awesome. My personality is usually very cautious and inhibited and anxious (or neurotic, in psychologist jargon), so not feeling that was... well, freeing, at the very least. Combine that with arousal, and ovulation starts to look like the way I feel on alcohol, or the way I'd love a trigger to make me feel.

Fascinating! And hot!

*I think I was thinking about sex with my roommate when I thought that. My roommate is hot, and sex with her would be fun, but she is cisgendered and therefore lacks cock. I wanted a fucking by a cis man, so she simply would not do.

**This bit is actually... well, let's put it this way: I am TERRIBLE at hallucinating things when a 'tist tells me to. But I am clearly capable of hallucinating tactile sensations, as this, er, episode reveals!

Vacation

Nice things about being on vacation: no work, no shoulder ows, shopping, s'mores, nostalgia, ice cream, jokes that only my family will laugh at.

Not nice things about being on vacation: no sex! and no talking about sex, repressing a good half of my personality for my family, none of the sexy people I know in Sunderland.

Essentially, no blagoposts for a few days! See you all next week!

Ha!

So, at Haven, I ran into one of my coworkers (I currently work at the local Whole Foods as a cashier). She's extraverted, somewhat older than me, and her personality just comes across as really... bright and thorough, kind of. Wholesome, even, is how she comes across. She's cool.

And definitely not the type I would have expected to run into at Haven! She was like "Arel!" (though obviously not using my internet name :p) and I expected it to be some more of my kinky friends, and I totally double-taked. She was there with her boyfriend, in a much more awesome pirate costume than I was. Long boots, big red dress, awesome feathered hat and waist cincher. "I got it just for this," she said.

Today, she came through my line at work and was like "So, it was really nice to see you at Haven!" And I nodded and said how funny it was that I was even there, since it was totally a last-minute thing. And she was like, "oh, yeah, it's funny, too. I used to go to Haven all the time, 'cause I was really active in the Scene." And I blinked, evidently not realizing how synonymous "Haven" and "Kink" were until that moment. She continued, "but I stopped, because people kept bothering me, and it was just... bleh." (I'm totally taking blogger's license and paraphrasing here.)

"Nobody came up and talked to me," I said, "although, I'm new, and I was also... with someone." (where by "with" I meant "obviously making out with at times")

She nodded halfway through my sentence. "Yeah, you were with someone, and I was really into the local Scene, like going to parties at people's houses. But, yeah, my boyfriend goes all the time and got me to go with him. I'm really glad I ran into someone I knew!"

And I picked my jaw up off the floor and gave her her receipt!



The funniest part, in my opinion, was how clueless the other cashier and the bagger in the vicinity were. "haven" and "the scene" are pretty generic terms to mundanes. As would "munch" be, god knows I've had to explain that concept a few times! We were basically talking in code, which I am always a fan of, about sex, at work, which was just amusing and... rule-breaking-y. (talking about sex at work is okay sometimes, but not recommended because it can create a harassing environment)

So, I was formerly out to one coworker about being kinky, and now I'm out to two and have a fellow kinkster at work. I wonder if she's on fetlife, or if Pseudonymous Dom knows her. That would be amusing! Small word!

Well!

So, Pseudonymous Dom tried to hypnotize me properly yesterday, just a basic induction and wake-up. It worked fine, but he said it was not what he was expecting, and he does not currently have the time to learn how to hypnotize me, though he's still interested in playing with me.

Given that I've got an offer to do hypno-play from somebody else, I am disappointed but okay with this. Actually, even if I didn't have another offer, I'd probably still be disappointed but okay. What am I supposed to do, tell somebody to spend emotional resources they don't have? :p

Anyhow, so that happened, and his fiancee and I and a few mutual friends went to Haven, for Pirate Night. Confession time: it was my first time going to a club ever! And it was a blast! I mean, I always figured I would like clubbing, it's dancing and alcohol and sexyness, and I like all of the above. But, you know, now I have empirical evidence to that effect.

And if I'm not mistaken, there was almost a threesome at the end of the night, which would have been interesting! Among other things! I will keep y'all posted! ;)

I believe the best way to title this post is "omgyes"

So, he left, and I grumbled something about being all hot and bothered, thinking about how tired I am of getting off to porn recently. Something about having the real thing dangling right in front of your face makes reading inductions to get off kind of a drag. I brushed my teeth and got into bed, then it occurred to me that I should check my text messages, see if my roommate had responded to my "hey, I has a dude over, FYI"

She had, but I also had a second message! "You still up?" it had been sent twenty minutes ago.
"ah, well, I'm in bed, but yes, still awake," I thumbed.
"I was wondering if you wanted me to finish what I started with the kiss I gave you as I was leaving."
"oh, very much so. do you mean, now?" I half-expected him to be all "when I see you on tuesday, that is!" and be a tease, but I was hoping not. As I replied, I got a second message from him: "to meet you at the door, take you by the hair and push you into the apartment, my lips on yours, my hands around you..."
I gasped a little, really hoping that he wasn't going to make me wait. I got another message. Very brief, just "yes." Now.
"*squirms* I'm currently naked and in bed, will that be a problem?"
"it will not, as long as you let me in" I leaped out of bed, and my phone buzzed again. "on my way. hope you like being pinned against a wall"

So, he arrived, metal fingernails from his sensation play kit in hand (or on hand, rather :p). He grabbed my hair and kissed me and pushed me up against a wall, just as he'd promised, then used my very oldest trigger that I'd told him about. Stroking my temples downward puts me into a pretty light trance, but a trance nonetheless. He then tried to make me come on command, and it just did not work, because I am le suck at hallucinating things (that is, in fact, the scientific term). Especially in so light a trance. I brought myself out of the trance after he'd stopped and said "um, A for effort?"

"well, I can certainly make you feel things without hypnosis," he said, and I brought him to my bedroom. Conveniently, I already had zero clothes on (not even socks! :p), and we shortly got to fucking like rabbits.

Now, I'm pretty sure it's because of my submissiveness, but during sex, I, hm. It's not that I'm unresponsive (because I can get really loud), it's just that I prefer to lie back and take it, if you will, instead of being ridiculously active during it. Let's put it this way: I have never been able to be the partner on top because I can't properly enjoy myself if I have to be actively fucking my partner. (also I've never been willing to figure out the mechanics of being on top, probably because I don't particularly like those positions ;)

Pseudonymous Dom picked up on this. "I don't even have to tie you up," he said after we'd started, and I couldn't tell if it was domly musing or dirty talk. Or both. "I can just do this--" he thrusted again "--to you, and you can't even move, can you?"

I moaned.

"You can't control your arms, and the only thing you can do with your legs is wrap them around me... "
"I...ohhhh...."
"hmmm?"
"I... could.... move my arms... if I wanted to," I asserted, between moans. "I just don't want to."
"And you can't even quite focus your eyes, can you?"
"ohh, no..." and indeed I couldn't. I kept trying to look up at him, but I wasn't able to do so for more than a few seconds before my eyes would roll back.

And it went on like that for a bit longer, and it was hot, and although I did not go into subspace, it was still excellent. And now I have to go to my cashiering day job with two giant hickeys on my neck.

Having a play partner is a blast.

Hair-Pulling

Pseudonymous Dom came over tonight, and we chatted about the gulf war and ate food and made out a little. And watched this video. Nothing particularly kinky. It was fun, and nice. And then, at the end, in the doorway:

"Oh yeah, my fiancee likes it that you make me more domly. I hope you don't mind that we're using you like this :p"
"mmmm"
"You'll get some benefits out of it. :p"
"I'd better get something out of it!"
"You might also get some immediate benefit out of it."

And he suddenly pulled my head back by the hair and kissed me, hard. And then left.

...I believe I am officially into hair-pulling!

I Has a Play Partner

So, here's how Arel's sex life suddenly took a turn for the awesome!

Not having gotten any for about a month and a half (not even vanilla sex! and it starts to get to me after three weeks!), I had the day off of work and was browsing fetlife. I happened upon an event listing for the local TNG munch that was meeting in three hours, so I psyched myself up and went! I met a bunch of sexy people there and friended one of them on fetlife, and he shortly messaged me saying he was interested in hypnotizing me.

Kind of a hard offer to turn down, you know? ;p Nah, I was good and took the appropriate precautions, found that he was not an axe murderer, and then awesome stuff happened.

Namely, I discovered that sensation play is really fucking awesome, and got my brains fucked out in a pleasant, if somewhat vanilla, fashion. :p Okay, and by "pleasant" I mean "really hot and omgIneededthat" fashion. And it was still kinda kinky, I was in an under-the-bed restraint thing for most of it. :p

I'm seeing him again on... tuesday? And I will most likely be getting hypnotized. By a real dom! I seriously cannot wait. Three days, but who's counting >.>