First Security Check

So, remember once upon a time Nauzy gave me a few security suggestions, because I was having trust issues? Well, we found that they work remarkably well.

I told him last week that it would be hot if he put me under and I woke up being fucked, not remembering anything in between. Kind of like what Claire wanted in chapter three of Busman's Holiday (terrible that I know that :p). Apparently the idea appealed to him too, because that's what he set out to do when I let him have his way with me this weekend.

He used a trigger he put in a while back where he kind of shouts "sleep!" and I go under. I prefer one where he doesn't shout, but as long as I go deep it doesn't really matter in the end. :p He rambled a while, and I went further down, then he used a staircase deepener. I really like his staircase deepeners; I'm usually terrible about visualization, but they work well for me. Probably because I'm sleep-deprived and can relate oh-so thoroughly to the idea of wanting to just tumble into a big bed with soft, fluffy pillows...

Eventually I was pretty much out (navy blue, but definitely not blank), so he started to take my clothes off. Now, the room was cold, and even though I was in his bed under some blankets, my naked self started to get cold, and colder still when he moved the blankets to hop in with me. But I was deep, so I'd go along with what he wanted, then think, "but I'm cooold, and what is he doing; I should wake up and say something..." and then I'd be like, "but I'm sooo comfortable right now, I don't wanna wake up..." and I'd kick my skirt off my ankles or whatever.

Here I will note that being hypnotized seemed to override my reflex to shiver; I just didn't.

Eventually we were both naked, and he moved to see how wet I was. He dipped a finger in me, and I heard, "oh, you are a bit wet..." Now you guys all know that sex just does not feel good if the woman's not wet (unless she's a masochist, and let me tell you, I am the anti-masochist :p). I didn't question the fact that I'd been under for a while, and hypnosis rarely fails to make me eight kinds of dripping... but I was hypnotized. So my poor literal subconscious was all, "okay, I'm not that wet; he'll talk to me some more or something." But I felt Nauzy move to enter me, and my eyes flew open and I said, terrified, "but I'm not wet!"

And then it was kind of awkward, because I was completely awake (and I mean completely awake) and Nauzy felt terrible, and I felt violated on some level. Which bothered me, because nothing bad had happened and I shouldn't've wanted to curl up fully clothed somewhere else. But the evening ended on a sour note, unfortunately.

Nevertheless, I try to keep a glass-half-full frame of mind, and the plus side is that I didn't hesitate to wake up when I felt I was in danger (yes, any kind of pain is danger to me. :p). So my security works well, and that's good.

Something to Blog About

Okay, I'm going to disappoint most of you, because this post is more about D/s than hypnosis. But it's relevant and recent and involving masturbation, so there. :p

We'd planned on having a good long session last night on voicechat, but Nauzy was falling asleep in his chair and had to wake me up, poor thing. Somehow he managed to pull the following off:

I was commenting about how sexy his voice sounded. His regular voice, hell, I said, even the sound of him typing sounded hot. "I think it's because I haven't masturbated in a week or so," I said. That's when he proceeded to hypnotize me briefly but wonderfully and wake me up. I should say that I've gotten really really good at getting into nice solid, passive trances lately; I don't stir if he pauses and I don't think much at all after he says the first few words. Though I don't go consistently much deeper than medium deep-blue, it's still pretty awesome. Progress, check!

So I told him it was okay that his sleep schedule was normalizing (he used to stay up until two in the morning, much to my chagrin), and we continued talking normally. We're like that. "Oh, time to go to sleep/ drive home/ get milk!" And then he pounces on me and I spend twenty minutes disentangling both of us. :p

Conversation drifted, and he asked me if I was in bed. "Obviously," I replied, vocally rolling my eyes. I always get in bed for hypnosis on voicechat.

"Well, I was just checking if you were all ready, because sometimes you aren't," he said, sounding kind of meek.

"You can yell at me, " I said. "I shouldn't've spoken back like that."

"Yeees... you should just respond blindly to my questions." He sounded terribly devious. I squirmed.

"Somehow, the idea of answering your questions blankly and without thinking is really, really hot," I said, squirming more. "I'm squirming really hard right now."

"I think you are going to start masturbating. Right now, get your hand down there!"

"oh, okay!" I kind of gasped. I'd never heard so much authority in his voice before.

"how wet are you?" Oops. I was touching myself, but through my sweatpants, so I had to scramble to check.

"WELL?" he demanded. I felt a tinge of fear, the good kind of fear. That was the kind of "well" that could hurt you. And I loved it.

"I, ah, not very."

"Well you're just going to have to masturbate anyways."

There was no room for debate there. And I wanted to anyways, so I did. And wow. I forget what he said after that, but it pushed my buttons like nothing else. I gasped again and came pretty hard.

"Good girl..." he cooed. Now, he's said good girl before, but man, last night I really felt it. I felt completely submissive and more dominated than I've ever been by Nauzy. Incredible and wonderful and oh-so right.

And then he commanded me to go to bed, and I slept very deeply, dreaming of hypno-superheroes and lesbians.

Later!

Blogger's Block

Yes. It sucks; I've been wrestling with two drafts and just scrapped them both. Sigh. So, lesse, what've we been doing lately? Really, not as much as you'd think. Due to circumstances involving a zeppelin and a half-dozen suitcases of two-dollar bills, Nauzy is going to be home until at least January. Let the crystal-swinging commence, right? Not really; it's hard to find privacy and quiet enough to do hypnosis... at least without resorting to hiding in parking lots. Which actually sounds like a good idea, I think.

He hypnotizes me every time we see each other, but it's not always for long periods of time. Sometimes the dogs start barking, and (while I don't wake up) his concentration is shot. Sometimes it's in the car really quickly, or he'll pull me into a corner and start whispering relaxing words into my ear at like, the mall. Sometimes he just turns on his Voice for two words, and then snaps his fingers at me to wake up, because I've started to go under. And, okay, sometimes we're just too busy having sex to bother with serious hypnosis. (whereby "serious hypnosis" I mean when we try to get me blank, or put in a new trigger or suggestion, the kind that, for me, takes at least an hour.)

I'm whining. :p He's really enthusiastic about it these days, and it's wonderful. Little snippets of hypnosis are delightful and really push my submissive buttons. The trickiest bit now is, like I said, making time, and trying to define what exactly I like about hypnosis. I'm trying to come up with a set of rules so we can come up with some nice scenes.

Which was the subject of both those posts I scrapped. So we're back where we started. :p

But while I'm at it: What kinds of things do you, my readers, like to see? I'm rambling eloquently but blindly. I'm happy to cater to specific facets of the community (I know there are a bunch of people who really like to hear what trance is like from the subject's POV, any of you reading here?)... I mean, I am a submissive. :p And I'm just as happy to give graphic descriptions of sex, but I don't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities or give out Too Much Information, and you're all here for the hypnosis, after all.

So, all you anonymous readers who never comment, I know you're out there! More sex? More hypnosis? More ramblages? Induction scripts? More self-analysis? Naked pix? Do tell. Just don't ask for Nauzy to post, that's asking a bit too much. :p

Bit of a rant, fishing for advice

I am terrible at hallucinations, and this really annoys me. The other day we were trying to get me to imagine I'm being fingered when he says a certain word (for very wicked play at whole foods, I'm sure ;). He put me under, gave me the suggestion, actually fingered me for reference, repeated the suggestion a few times, and woke me up.

Then we tested it, and... while I reacted strongly, I didn't feel anything. Really wierd, hard to describe. To a viewer, it sure looks like I feel like I'm being fingered, but I didn't feel like I was at all, though the urge to squirm around was somewhat uncontrollable. :p

Anyhow, just venting a bit. I'm sure it's a matter of practice or something.

Time for a new post

(sorry that I've been so long between posts. I am finding that college is, in fact, more work that high school.)

So I'll admit, I'm an emotional person. I get frustrated rather easily, especially when it comes to trance. Some nights I'm just not in the right headspace, or my trigger hits me at the wrong angle, and when I come up I'll be angry and start ranting. Nauzy, who hates to see me in anything but orgasmic distress, likes to whisper "shhh, relaaax..." and I completely melt... I go under a bit, sometimes more effectively than when he uses my trigger when I'm ready for it.

I think it's a matter of how relatively relaxed I am. When I'm lying down, waiting for the order to go under, I'm pretty comfy and on the edge of trance anyways. When I'm agitated, it's entirely the opposite, so when I do go under, it feels deeper and easier.

I'm really not trying to psychoanalyze myself; it just feels good. :)

On to more things he can do in public, oh yes. You know, it's funny, I have never ever been an exhibitionist. I don't even like excessive PDA. But trance in public? Why yes, sign me right up.

Last night we were at Whole Foods, grabbing dinner together. We'd finished eating and were just talking, and inevitably it turned to how I love it when he does stuff that nobody else can see. And he switched on his Voice and down I went, sitting up, leaning on my hand. Beautiful. Restful too, though this time it was green-grey instead of blue. But deep enough to just drift.

What I love about playing in public is the... raciness of it. Nauzy said it himself one time: "I like doing things in public; I feel like I've gotten away with something." And so it is. Nobody notices, nobody cares, but we've done it. And it makes me squirm so.

It also helps that hypnosis is often more subtle than good old-fashioned exhibitionistic sex in public. ;p