Aha!

Now I remember. The suggestion was that... when blogging about the skyping I did with AmHypnotic last night, whenever I started a new paragraph, I'd find myself saying "obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience," without even thinking about it. And when I hit the "publish post" button, I was supposed to, and I found, that my eyes fluttered shut and I chanted "obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience" a handful of times. Which was incredibly hot because it was so automatic.

Unfortunately, it seemed that I was... trying to hard for it to work? Or thinking about it too much. I knew I was supposed to do something, but didn't know what, and didn't want to know what. And, like I described, I ended up trancing a bit and being unable to write about what we did at all. Which is a shame, because I love the idea of being commanded to do something without thinking about it. We'll have to tweak it.

Anyhow, we still did a lot of fun things! First, we played with some mantras. Well, actually, first he triggered me to put me under, then deepened me a bit, then told me to repeat the following mantra, just once: "Obedience is Pleasure, Pleasure is Obedience."

I shivered a little bit. "Obedience is Pleasure, Pleasure is Obedience."

"Good Girl. Now, in a minute, I'm going to ask you to chant that phrase, over and over. While you're chanting, you may hear me saying some things, but your conscious mind might not pick up on them." But, of course, my subconscious would hear whatever he said just fine, would remember it totally. My subconscious would even enjoy keeping this particular suggestion a secret from my conscious mind, it would be a fun game.

So, I began chanting. "obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience. obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience. obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience. obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience...." And I could hear him saying things, but I couldn't pick up anything more than a word or a phrase here and there. Or, at times when I could make out a sentence, it would go in one ear and out the other, kind of slippery-like.

At the time, of course, I didn't know it, but his suggestion was that whenever he said the words "finger" or "fingers" or "hands" or "hand," or variations thereon, I'd feel as if he was fingering me, for just a few seconds.

He woke me up. "So, how're you feeling?"

"I'm good!"

"Good! So, we weren't able to play much, physically, at the Society last weekend, but maybe you should tell me the kinds of things you do like before we see each other again. You like feeling my hands on you--"

I moaned. Kind of loudly.

"Uh, so, you really like the idea of feeling my hands on you, huh?

"Aaaahhh... uh, yes?" I gasped, my back arching a little.

"You're looking forward to me fingering you?"

I jerked. "Oh god ohgod... yes...ah!"

He toyed with me a little more like that, then dropped the pretense of trying to have a conversation and just started talking about how good his fingers felt, and how nice his hands were, and fingers, hands, fingers, hands... And I was quickly becoming a sweaty pile of submissiveness.

He relented, finally, and told me to remember, and I laughed and sighed happily, and we chatted about some further ideas for play that night. "By the way," he said after a bit. "How good are you at multitasking?"

I was in subspace, so my answer was entirely rambly. "Well, I prefer to do one thing at a time, like, if I'm writing, I have to shut the music off, or I can't think, like, if I'm studying, or blogging. It's kind of like-- there's a name for it-- you read xkcd, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, there was a strip a while back, titled "Qwertial Aphasia," and it's like, this thing where you're tying one thing, and hearing another, so you throw in one of the words you heard, even though you didn't mean to type it. In the strip, the guy says, "I can't afford to keep eating out this giraffe," because someone's talking about stuffed giraffes behind him. Anyhow, that has happened to me when I've tried to listen to stuff and write at the same time."

I suddenly realized what we were talking about. "Why, what kinds of things did you have in mind?"

He laughed quietly, but evilly. "Now why would I tell you that?"

I giggled, pleased that he wasn't going to tell me.

After getting my consent for the next scene we were going to do, he triggered me and put me under. This time, the suggestion was that whenever he said "feel pleasure," I would feel him doing something to me, stuff that I liked. It would vary and change each time he used the phrase "feel pleasure," it wouldn't just be the same sensation over and over. I would continue feeling whatever sensation it was until he either said "stop pleasure," I came, or we lost the connection. Also, whenever he said "what are you feeling?" I would effortlessly and easily describe it to him. And this time, I would forget that the entire trance happened. It would seem to me as if we were still having the conversation we were having before. My subconscious would be amused to keep this secret from my conscious mind.

He woke me up. I wondered aloud if my roommate had gotten back from work yet, and he asked what the note I'd left her said. Still subspace-tastic, I rambily (that is totally now a word) told him how I'd made curry for both of us for dinner, so the note detailed where that was in the fridge, and that I'd put at the end "by the time you read this, I'll be skyping with the hypnotist I met on Saturday, so please don't disturb me unless it's an emergency!"

AmHypnotic chuckled, and chuckled some more when I told him how my roommate had double-taked when I told her I went to a BDSM dungeon to meet a hypnotist ("yeah, hypnosis is kind of up-and-coming in the kink world. ...no pun intended."*) Eventually he worked the phrase "feel pleasure" into a sentence, and smirked audibly when I moaned.

"What are you feeling now?"

"You're fingering me," I responded without thinking, not quite in a monotone, but in something that was similar to my trance voice.

"Good girl. Feel pleasure."

"Oh, oh, oh, ohhhhh..."

"And what are you feeling now?"

"You're rubbing your thumb over my clit..."

"Good girl. Stop pleasure."

I exhaled, relaxed a bit.

"Feel pleasure."

And I tensed back up! We kept going like that, my mind having him do everything from biting my neck to outright fucking me, hard.

Then I heard my roommate come back from work.

"You've gone quiet," AmHypnotic noted.

"Yeah," I said, biting my lip. "I'm trying to control myself, lest my roommate hear me. I mean, I did turn on the fan in the other room, but I've been being kinda loud." And I can be quiet when I moan, or at least, I can be quiet-ish. Muffled. If I have to be.

"I think you can feel yourself losing control, though..." he started. "Feel pleasure."

I whimpered.

"That's right... give in to it. Submit to it. Surrender. Feel pleasure."

My roommate's hearing ability was the last thing on my mind at this point. I was in a wonderful, loud, mindless haze, feeling all my favorite sensations and hearing a sexy hypnotist say all my favorite words. It was fucking amazing. /understatement

After a little while, he made me come, which was, you know, hot. :p And then he made me come again, but told me to be totally relaxed during it. That was interesting. I kind of felt like I was floating underwater, except the water flowing around me was the waves of my very drawn-out orgasm. It was nice, but when it ended, I decided I liked the tense-and-thrashy kind of orgasm better.

"Yeah, you're prone to squirming, huh?"

"Yeah, but no, when I'm coming, I thrash."

He chuckled.

"Playing with you is fun," I said, very happy, a big subby grin on my face.

We chatted for a bit about this terrible, terrible documentary on BDSM we watched the other night. It's titled Fetishes, and it's on hulu, if you're stateside and curious. It's mostly about this one professional dungeon in New York City, but it never goes into detail about the other facts of BDSM, despite presenting itself as a Thorough Documentary On BDSM (I mean, the social scene is pretty different, hello). The narrator/documentor also does various stupid things like interrupting people when they're answering his questions, fucking up BDSM terminology ("the submissives are called slaves,"), only showing negotiation once, and interviewing people mid-scene. Mid-scene!

"Seriously, I mean, you've heard me, there's nooo way I could say anything cogent about BDSM in this mindset, " I said, smirking.

" 'BDSM is, like, fun, and... stuff!' " AmHypnotic mocked.

I giggled, then started, because I could hear my phone ringing across the room.

"Something you need to get?"

"Yeah, sorry, I should see who it is, be right back."

He waited patiently (or impatiently, I'm not sure :p), 'till I got back and put my headset back on. "Speaking of giving interviews," I said. "That was my mother."

Not the first time she's called me in the midst of sex, or kink, but what timing, right? I was pretty amused.

Then, let's see.. in the notes I jotted down for myself, after my mom called I have "definitely a big blank space" written, which I'm pretty sure means this was when he gave me the "chant mantra when blogging" suggestions that I detailed at the beginning of this post. After that we were pretty much done for the night. I asked for the time, and he said it had only been an hour. "Jeez, I lose time like woah," I said.

"Did you feel like we did more stuff, or that time flew by, or what?" AmHypnotic asked.

"Um... the amount of stuff we did tonight, it just feels like they should've taken up more time," I replied. Which, you know, can't complain, it means I have more free time!

Anyhow, that's it for this post. Tomorrow's the New England Hypnosis Group's play party at the Society, which I will be attending. I am really, really excited for it, seriously, I am going to be all distracted at work today, thinking about all the kinky shit I'll be getting up to in 24 hours. :D


* I have been making SO MANY terrible, terrible puns lately, without trying at all. I kind of feel like somebody's hypnotized me to make all these puns, but I don't seem to recall anything of the sort... ;)

I'm not dead!

Really, I'm not, I've just had nothing to say. Until today, when he hypnotized me and we had sex and he woke me up in the middle of it and it was marvelous! He did everything right and it was wicked hot and he made me say things and do things and....

and it's all way too fuzzy for me to blog about it properly, for Nauzy has discovered the perfect way to make me forget things and is using this power for evil, not the good of our blog. :p

That said, what he does that works is: he tells me that I'll forget [contents of trance], and the only thing I'll remember is him telling me to forget. It works really well, and it's quite hot. I only have vague memories of today's sexiness because I was making mental notes to remember things he was doing right (to tell him, positive feedback and all that), and I was trying to remember stuff he said to masturbate to later. ;p

Ah well. Maybe he'll enlighten you.

Flipping pages mindlessly

I'm flipping through a cookbook in a store, kind of quickly but lazily. Nauzy comes up behind me and leans in, starts talking quietly in a particular velvety tone of voice. Something about how I might just start flipping the pages mindlessly... without even noticing what's on them... just drifting...

Then I came to, and flipped back a few pages to read a particularly tasty-looking sandwich recipe. I have decided that this in public stuff can be rather hot!

A Number on my Subconscious!

I went deep today, deeper than I usually go. It probably had something to do with all of the utterly awesome and exhausting sex that went on both before and after trance. *makes notes*

He gave me a bunch of suggestions, of course, and I only remember one: it was that I'd feel the need to press my body up against him more often (while spooning and when hanging out in general). He needs to give me suggestions like this, of course, because, well, I love spooning, but I like my space too. :p

After he woke me up, that was the only suggestion I remembered clearly, so being the inner skeptic/brat that I am, I ran some mental tests. It did feel really good to cuddle so closely (and I was while I was thinking about it XD) ...but was that due to the sex? I tried to picture what I'd done in the past after sex. I usually roll over and get as far away from his sweaty self as possible, don't I?

What're you talking about? My subconscious seemed to say. You love cuddling after sex! And, try as I might, every time I tried to picture what I did, my mental self always -- always-- snuggled very closely up against him.

I have to say, it was deeply amusing watching my conscious and subconscious minds argue a bit. :p

Oh, and while I'm here. He used some nice passive forgetful wording ("you can let yourself leave these suggestions in trance") and when I was coming up, he described it as if I were waking up from a heavy sleep, and I seemed to take that as me waking up and forgetting a dream, ie, the suggestions. I'm impressed. :D

Literal Hypno-Sex

So, what've we been up to lately? Mostly we've been trying to avoid people enough to properly hypnotize me for a couple hours: if it's not one person in the way, it's another. Fortunately, we found time and space this weekend. And if the stars align, in two weeks we'll be attending hypno-munch in Boston, organized by one DrSlashBlight who I'm sure is reading this (hi!). Pretty exciting.

We've been having a *lot* of sex lately, kinky or not, and believe it or not Nauzy lasts quite a while, sometimes to the point where I have to tell him to stop because I'm tired/finished/getting sore. This happened the other day, so we stopped and cuddled for a while. He was still very obviously very aroused, so I told him he was welcome to keep fucking me, as long as I was in trance for it (I suppose our dynamic's weird like that. How many subs give their doms permission to fuck them? :p). Anyhow, he did.

I have no idea how frequently this occurs in the hypnoerotic world, but I absolutely love it. Something about being... limp and having no responsibility whatsoever, whilst being overloaded with pleasure... can't quite put my finger on it. ;) If any of you guys do anything similar, let me know, because I don't think I've heard of it outside of fiction.

Other things we did, besides all the sex. I gave him a few suggestions (ha) on what might make me forget suggestions better: bringing me deeper before suggesting anything, bringing my attention to something sexy/distracting post-suggestion. And to some extent, they worked, though I keep having "aha" moments when I think about that trance. Though he never specifically told me to forget the suggestions, they're gradually fading. Doubtless my traitor brain will remember them clear as day when he chooses to use them, though. We'll see.

We have adopted a sparkly dangly shiny crystal-on-a-chain for object fixation, which has made me discover a most curious phenomenon: I am afraid of it. Not in a phobic way, but... he'll hold it up and dangle it next to his face when we're talking about something else, and I will feel afraid to watch it and will stridently stare at his face instead.

I told him what he ought to do is tell me to look at the crystal directly, instead of assuming I'll do it myself. As to why it scares me, though-- well, I think it ties into tho fetish-from-fear theory. Him hypnotizing me is kind of normal now, not so taboo in my mind, not so new, but crystals (even though they're hypnosis) are. And I find object fixation so very hot that it pushes the fear/arousal buttons harder, I guess.

Now I am truly rambling. :p Hopefully I will have more to blog about in less than a month!

A Treatise on Lace

There are a few stereotypes about red-blooded young males that most girls pick up by the time they've graduated from high school:
1. They only ever want one thing.
2. They think that two girls kissing is extremely hot.
3. Black, lacy underwear is really sexy.

Now, I call them stereotypes for a reason; not all guys are of that mindset... but Nauzy, for the most part, is. :p And for us, as a couple, that's not a problem generally: our sex drives match up pretty well, I'm somewhat bisexual, and I like wearing black... but the lace, not so much.

I have never, ever been a fan of lacy anything. Lace is frilly and girly in a way that I am not, and lace on bras or panties makes me think of awkward things. This is not helped by the fact that underthings never have just a little lace; they've always got to be plastered with it.

Therefore, I suggested that he, er, suggest to me that I'll enjoy wearing lace more. He agreed, we came up with a rough draft suggestion, aiming to get me to think about his hands roaming all over me when I think of lace. (and can I just take a moment to say that really blunt, direct communication like this works wonders. Talking about suggestions beforehand lets me enjoy the ride more and I feel more confident in what he's doing. good stuff.)

So the trance. He started taking me down, using my trigger, which works beeeautifully these days. It had been a long day for me, and I think that's why I started blanking out right about when he started giving the suggestion. I stopped listening to the words and tuned in to the sound of his voice, and the navy blue of very deep trance started to get flecked with black; oh so warm and comfortable... and next thing I knew I was waking up.

Oh yeah, it was one of those. I didn't remember anything. Maybe a bit about telling him how deep I was, but after that, nada. And oh, what a thrill! I love the idea of knowing that the 'tist has done something to my mind that I don't know. I'm so clearly not in control and I don't know what's coming next, and, of course, I'm completely helpless to stop it. Mmm.

It wasn't my/our intent for this to happen with something, well, so mundane, but I don't think either of us is complaining. If anything, Nauzy's getting a bigger kick out of it than I am... He mentioned last night something about me having "two more days."

"Two more days for what?" I asked, thinking, Columbus day vacation was last week...
"You don't remember?"
I squirmed. "No! What'd you do to me?!"
"You really don't remember... oh, nothing." I could hear him smirk.

Oh, my. What have I created... ;)

First Experiences With Amnesia Play

While I'm wary of freezing triggers, I am an enormous fan of amnesia-play. I'd love to, say, wake up and be tied up and have no idea how I got there. Or have Nauzy say some word and I start reacting somehow, and I know he must've put a trigger in but don't remember it...

But I digress. :p

One quick thing I should clue you in about: Nauzy and I go to different colleges, so during the school year we only see each other about once a month. All of the hypnosis I've blogged about so far has been over skype or, more rarely, over IRC.

But this past weekend was all in person, so we got to have some fun.

We were hanging out in bed, making nerdy pillow-talk, when he triggered me to go into trance. And down I went, into my fuzzy-grey place, deep enough to take suggestions pretty well (though who am I kidding, I take suggestions even when I'm lucid!). This time, the suggestion was that as soon as I woke up, I'd feel an irresistible urge to wrap my arms and legs around him, and I wouldn't stop till he said "pizza"...and that I wouldn't remember that he'd suggested it, I'd just find myself falling all over him.

I'd give you some nice juicy hypnotic dialogue, except that I don't remember it. ;)

So then he woke me up, and I immediately draped my leg over his waist. I think the best way to describe my mental state is that I had a case of doublethink. I remembered quite clearly what he'd suggested, and yet I knew that I wasn't supposed to think about it, so I remembered... but just didn't think about it.

It was a very strange state, and I was sorry to tell him that I knew pretty much what was going on (with my arms around his neck, of course). :p But it was a very fun first attempt, and I expect it'll get better with time.

Also, one more thing: Last night he was installing a safety update, so to speak; putting in a few suggestions and reminders that, no matter how deep I am, I will reject any suggestion that goes past my limits. That's important and good and makes me feel quite safe, but the exciting bit is that I think I've finally figured out how to rank how deep I am properly! I used qualitative ranking instead of a quantitative one, and man, did it work!

There's "really light trance", and "light golden-brown trance", then some deep blue ones... "deep", "deep enough to take suggestions" and "really deep, fire away." then I suppose there's a gap until you get to that wonderful-but-elusive state where I blank out completely.

I'm quite psyched that I've good a good system. Though I think I'll have to find better names if I'm going to be telling them to Nauzy when I'm out!