I'm single!

So yeah, Nauzy and I broke up about a month ago. Female sub into hypnosis, now available and looking, tell your friends!

Since the time Nauzy and I broke up, I managed to arrange a friends-with-benefits thing with this guy who lives in my building. He's super-vanilla, though, even at mine and Nauzy's most vanilla we were kinkier than this. Well, okay, he's alright with light bondage. I think it's kind of at the point where some bondage is vanilla, though. Who doesn't know the "tie your lover up and tickle them and/or lick chocolate body paint off of them" fantasy hawked by women's magazines everywhere?

Actually, this guy wasn't weirded out by my fetish or anything when I told him the other night, he just wasn't super-excited by it. Frankly, I expected more of a reaction than "*shrug* okay." Even horrified would've been more entertaining! :p

Ah well. In the meantime, I expect y'all will be hearing about my dating adventures till I meet someone.

The "why" post

When I was receiving new thread notifications from the Submissive Women and the Comfy Chair groups on fetlife, at least once a week someone'd start a thread to the effect of: "why are we like this?" Here's my take on it.

There is a theory (heard it from the marvelous Dan Savage, I'm not sure if it's his or not) that some fetishes come from an intense fear, and the mind turns it into a sexual obsession in order to cope. I think that theory has some merit, at least for me, because I always have feared losing control or losing bodily autonomy. I hate and am really really terrified of local anesthesia, because I'm awake but I can't make use of whatever body part has been numbed. It's creepy, I'm not in control of my own body, and I hate it. But at the same time... I like being tied up, and I adore having my mind shut down so that I can't help but follow orders. It is an amusing contradiction.

I was mulling this over the other day with Nauzy, and we tried to see if he gets turned on by any of his fears. No such luck. "Maybe it's a matter of correlation rather than causation," he said. Possibly so. "That, and I'm sure the lingerie and high-heels fetishists weren't scared of them as kids," I replied, amused by the idea. "But consider this: the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) is involved in arousal and orgasm.... yet the parasympathetic nervous system (it does the opposite) has a hand in there too."

Who knows? There're probably quite a few different ways people develop fetishes or were born with them. Mine seems to be a fear response, though there's got to be more to it. Maybe the predilection to have fetishes is genetic, but needs to be triggered somehow. Maybe it's a matter of conditioning: someone likes masturbating to a certain kind of porn, and then it becomes the only kind of porn they can get off to (though, the turn-on would've still been there in the first place somehow...).

I think the only conclusion we can make is: human sexuality is immensely complicated, and I don't envy anyone researching it. :p

Sexy iphone apps!

I have an ipod touch, sadly, not as iphone per se, but I've found a few apps that might be useful/fun/hot for the technologically-savvy hypnofetishist.

First, the iHourglass. (link goes to the itunes store). There's a free version, too. I know one doesn't think of hourglasses when one thinks of hypnosis, but I was strongly reminded of this story, in which an hourglass is featured in an object-fixation induction.

The other one I have I came across on the MCforum; it's called Hypnopac (again, link goes to the itunes store). Rather more predictable, it plays a couple different spirals, as well as a swinging pocketwatch. I enjoy it. ;)

Blogger's Block

Yes. It sucks; I've been wrestling with two drafts and just scrapped them both. Sigh. So, lesse, what've we been doing lately? Really, not as much as you'd think. Due to circumstances involving a zeppelin and a half-dozen suitcases of two-dollar bills, Nauzy is going to be home until at least January. Let the crystal-swinging commence, right? Not really; it's hard to find privacy and quiet enough to do hypnosis... at least without resorting to hiding in parking lots. Which actually sounds like a good idea, I think.

He hypnotizes me every time we see each other, but it's not always for long periods of time. Sometimes the dogs start barking, and (while I don't wake up) his concentration is shot. Sometimes it's in the car really quickly, or he'll pull me into a corner and start whispering relaxing words into my ear at like, the mall. Sometimes he just turns on his Voice for two words, and then snaps his fingers at me to wake up, because I've started to go under. And, okay, sometimes we're just too busy having sex to bother with serious hypnosis. (whereby "serious hypnosis" I mean when we try to get me blank, or put in a new trigger or suggestion, the kind that, for me, takes at least an hour.)

I'm whining. :p He's really enthusiastic about it these days, and it's wonderful. Little snippets of hypnosis are delightful and really push my submissive buttons. The trickiest bit now is, like I said, making time, and trying to define what exactly I like about hypnosis. I'm trying to come up with a set of rules so we can come up with some nice scenes.

Which was the subject of both those posts I scrapped. So we're back where we started. :p

But while I'm at it: What kinds of things do you, my readers, like to see? I'm rambling eloquently but blindly. I'm happy to cater to specific facets of the community (I know there are a bunch of people who really like to hear what trance is like from the subject's POV, any of you reading here?)... I mean, I am a submissive. :p And I'm just as happy to give graphic descriptions of sex, but I don't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities or give out Too Much Information, and you're all here for the hypnosis, after all.

So, all you anonymous readers who never comment, I know you're out there! More sex? More hypnosis? More ramblages? Induction scripts? More self-analysis? Naked pix? Do tell. Just don't ask for Nauzy to post, that's asking a bit too much. :p

Hmm

After watching this video, I feel a bit less apprehensive about having my whole self frozen. I like how the hypnotist in the video there doesn't try to humiliate her and lets her go almost right away ("oh hey, you're stuck; but look, when I touch your hands, you find that they're unstuck!"). And I mean, I love being tied up, so if we take baby steps I think I'll find myself getting more comfortable with a whole-body freeze.

Ups and Downs

Wednesday or Thursday night we had a really good session. :D Nauzy repeated my reinduction trigger over and over, and I went into a wonderful space each time. I typically associate really deep trance with no movement, hardly any speaking, and an inability to feel one's body; accordingly, I don't consider myself deep/ don't go as deep if I have to move or talk a lot, and I really don't consider myself deep if I can feel where I am in space. When he used my trigger, I went deep. Didn't think, didn't move; I was there, everything was his voice and this grey-white-sparkly-fuzzy space. Very floaty and nice, kind of hard to do justice to. But when I'm there, I know it... even though I am not thinking about it. ;)

And last night was an off night. He tried the triggers, they worked, but not so well. I was in a trance, but not a good one and not a deep one. I wasn't getting into the right headspace; I was tangentially thinking, there was a lot of background noise. Just not a good night for it, so we called it quits instead of pushing. It did serve to remind me that even though we're getting a hell of a lot better with hypnosis, it's not gonna be perfect all the time. Just like with vanilla sex, or anything really: good or bad, there'll be days when it's just One Of Those days. And that's okay.

In less solemn news: Nauzy has indeed expressed interest in a freeze trigger for me. This is pretty exciting in that it's something he wants to do (as opposed to me telling him what I want), and in that I know he'll be deriving enjoyment from teasing me while I'm frozen.

My reactions to actually having a freeze trigger are actually mixed; I've never, ever been interested in them before, and they kind of scare me. I think part of it is fear of humiliation (freeze triggers remind me of hypnosis shows, which I don't like, as well as little tricks like making the subject forget a number or have her hands stuck together, which I hate and will not ever do.) Part of it's also the fear of not having a way out, or being frozen for long stretches at a time.

On that note, I should probably tell Nauzy these things. *runs off to do so*

More about triggers

Okay, fellow hypnobloggers: what kind of terminology do you use when you're talking about giving someone a trigger? I guess it's a bit like the debate I read on one of the forums about what to call a subject (subject, victim, hypnotee, partner in crime...). One term sounds too clinical, one too sinister, one too silly.

I suppose "give someone a trigger" works just fine, but it's wordy. I prefer "install" myself, but I think that comes across in an either non-consensual way or a fembot way. *shrug* I mean it in a programming-analogy way, because I think programming's rather sexy. And I like to make analogies out of everything, so there you go. That's the word I'll be using, anyways; feel free to sound off with your own words.

On that note, I have to confess that I lied in my last post. We did test my triggers last night, at my behest. You know, it's frustrating, sometimes, to get Nauzy to understand how badly I want to be hypnotized. I am to hypnosis as he is to sex, I guess, or even more so: I'm not comfortable with huge public displays of affection, but I'd be pretty thrilled to go under in public (and he's the opposite in both respects, of course. :p). I can honestly say that in nine cases out of ten, I'd rather be hypnotized than have an orgasm (at least when I've got my own personal hypnotist on the line ;).

So anyways, I asked if we could test the triggers, and he quite happily, I think, obliged. He tested the make-me-masturbate one first, though, when I was expecting the reinduction trigger. Figures. :p

The make-me-masturbate trigger (hereafter referred to as the "release trigger," as that's one of the words used) worked a lot better than I expected. I know that it was, at least in part, due to me already being worked up over his voice, but it worked and set a, uh, very hot precedent. Best orgasm I've had in days.

I had to remind him that I had one more trigger ("and the other one?" "uh..what other one?" "the reinduction trigger?" "oh yeah. Sleep."), and I was honestly kind of disappointed; I barely went under. However, I think I know the problem: usually when Nauzy hypnotizes me, I'm sitting up, and my head drops as I relax. Last night, I was lying down in my bed, and there wasn't too much head-dropping I could do. It's kind of annoying that head-dropping has become a factor in my going under, but there's not much we can do but practice and try to eliminate it. And even if it never works it's okay, since I go so deep so quickly when he's doing a full-out induction. Which I prefer anyways, it's such fun to struggle. :p

Finally, I think the best part of the night was after he'd woken me up, he said, "I would like you to find a few hours with lots of privacy, so we can just play with your triggers."

Yes!