Hmm

After watching this video, I feel a bit less apprehensive about having my whole self frozen. I like how the hypnotist in the video there doesn't try to humiliate her and lets her go almost right away ("oh hey, you're stuck; but look, when I touch your hands, you find that they're unstuck!"). And I mean, I love being tied up, so if we take baby steps I think I'll find myself getting more comfortable with a whole-body freeze.

Ups and Downs

Wednesday or Thursday night we had a really good session. :D Nauzy repeated my reinduction trigger over and over, and I went into a wonderful space each time. I typically associate really deep trance with no movement, hardly any speaking, and an inability to feel one's body; accordingly, I don't consider myself deep/ don't go as deep if I have to move or talk a lot, and I really don't consider myself deep if I can feel where I am in space. When he used my trigger, I went deep. Didn't think, didn't move; I was there, everything was his voice and this grey-white-sparkly-fuzzy space. Very floaty and nice, kind of hard to do justice to. But when I'm there, I know it... even though I am not thinking about it. ;)

And last night was an off night. He tried the triggers, they worked, but not so well. I was in a trance, but not a good one and not a deep one. I wasn't getting into the right headspace; I was tangentially thinking, there was a lot of background noise. Just not a good night for it, so we called it quits instead of pushing. It did serve to remind me that even though we're getting a hell of a lot better with hypnosis, it's not gonna be perfect all the time. Just like with vanilla sex, or anything really: good or bad, there'll be days when it's just One Of Those days. And that's okay.

In less solemn news: Nauzy has indeed expressed interest in a freeze trigger for me. This is pretty exciting in that it's something he wants to do (as opposed to me telling him what I want), and in that I know he'll be deriving enjoyment from teasing me while I'm frozen.

My reactions to actually having a freeze trigger are actually mixed; I've never, ever been interested in them before, and they kind of scare me. I think part of it is fear of humiliation (freeze triggers remind me of hypnosis shows, which I don't like, as well as little tricks like making the subject forget a number or have her hands stuck together, which I hate and will not ever do.) Part of it's also the fear of not having a way out, or being frozen for long stretches at a time.

On that note, I should probably tell Nauzy these things. *runs off to do so*

More about triggers

Okay, fellow hypnobloggers: what kind of terminology do you use when you're talking about giving someone a trigger? I guess it's a bit like the debate I read on one of the forums about what to call a subject (subject, victim, hypnotee, partner in crime...). One term sounds too clinical, one too sinister, one too silly.

I suppose "give someone a trigger" works just fine, but it's wordy. I prefer "install" myself, but I think that comes across in an either non-consensual way or a fembot way. *shrug* I mean it in a programming-analogy way, because I think programming's rather sexy. And I like to make analogies out of everything, so there you go. That's the word I'll be using, anyways; feel free to sound off with your own words.

On that note, I have to confess that I lied in my last post. We did test my triggers last night, at my behest. You know, it's frustrating, sometimes, to get Nauzy to understand how badly I want to be hypnotized. I am to hypnosis as he is to sex, I guess, or even more so: I'm not comfortable with huge public displays of affection, but I'd be pretty thrilled to go under in public (and he's the opposite in both respects, of course. :p). I can honestly say that in nine cases out of ten, I'd rather be hypnotized than have an orgasm (at least when I've got my own personal hypnotist on the line ;).

So anyways, I asked if we could test the triggers, and he quite happily, I think, obliged. He tested the make-me-masturbate one first, though, when I was expecting the reinduction trigger. Figures. :p

The make-me-masturbate trigger (hereafter referred to as the "release trigger," as that's one of the words used) worked a lot better than I expected. I know that it was, at least in part, due to me already being worked up over his voice, but it worked and set a, uh, very hot precedent. Best orgasm I've had in days.

I had to remind him that I had one more trigger ("and the other one?" "uh..what other one?" "the reinduction trigger?" "oh yeah. Sleep."), and I was honestly kind of disappointed; I barely went under. However, I think I know the problem: usually when Nauzy hypnotizes me, I'm sitting up, and my head drops as I relax. Last night, I was lying down in my bed, and there wasn't too much head-dropping I could do. It's kind of annoying that head-dropping has become a factor in my going under, but there's not much we can do but practice and try to eliminate it. And even if it never works it's okay, since I go so deep so quickly when he's doing a full-out induction. Which I prefer anyways, it's such fun to struggle. :p

Finally, I think the best part of the night was after he'd woken me up, he said, "I would like you to find a few hours with lots of privacy, so we can just play with your triggers."

Yes!

Reliable Trance: Check.

Nauzy and I had been using a scale of one through ten to gauge how deep I've been going, with one as the deepest. This was probably not the best idea for two reasons: one because I am not a number person at all, and two because it was such a small scale. But it worked for us, at least until I broke it. :p

Once over the summer, and just last night, he asked me how deep I was. And I was so drifty and pliant that all I could come up with was "deep." So he went in and revisited two triggers that we've been flirting with; one to make me ridiculous amounts of horny (he's very keen on me wanting to masturbate uncontrollably), and one to put me back under. Haven't tested them yet, but we probably will tonight or tomorrow. Squee. (hm, scratch that, Heroes returns tonight; make that tomorrow or wednesday.)


One thing I would like to ramble about is his Voice. His non-hypno voice isn't really anything special, I have to say. It's quiet and slow and pretty normal-sounding, and I hadn't thought it would make a good Voice until he started his first induction.... and oh, how wrong I was. His Voice is the stuff of MC porn, I swear: it's smooth and rich and deep, and just flows over everything. Makes my eyelids droop oh-so pleasantly. :D

Triggers

(I did add my wonderful boyfriend as an author here, but I know that he won't post much. :p)

So triggers! I'll be honest and say that I am dying to have a really solid working one. As of now, I've got a couple that are lukewarm and don't do anything particularly sexy: a verbal one that puts me to sleep (literal sleep, as in before I go to bed, you :p), and a verbal one that puts me back into trance.

I suspect that the lukewarmidity of my triggers is due to my own preconceived notions about trance, and the fact that I'm still partly guiding 'Nauzy in what to do. Usually when I go under, I am still pretty lucid and my brain is, sadly, still running a commentary on what's going on. I'd like to think that when I'm really deep I won't think at all or have much memory of what happened in the trance.

This has, happily, happened a few times; I've woken up and been like "so, how far down did you count?" because I can't remember anything past 60. But that state has been tricky to recreate --I've got to be in just the right mindset-- and apparently there're no outward indicators of when I get there, no breathing changes or REM or anything.

At the moment, my reinduction trigger works, but it's not "zappy" enough for my tastes. He'll say the words, and I'll slump down and I definitely go under, but not very deep. Full inductions work better for me (and they're hotter. :p).

But we're working on that. I'd love a reinduction trigger that just puts me out into the forgetful-place, hopefully it's not impossible. I have to learn to relax, I guess (:p). To let go.

I once used the analogy that hypnotizing me was like programming my mind (he's a computer programmer, y'see), and 'Nauzy noted: "ah! 90 percent of it is debugging!"

Where to begin?

I must say that I truly don't expect anyone to read this, but on the offchance someone does, I shall keep updating. :p

I think I'll start at the beginning.

I am a hypnofetishist, born and bred.

Ever since I was little I have been intrigued by hypnosis/mind control, with a fascination for bondage on the side. I was born like this; it would be impossible for me to separate myself from it, and I certainly don't want to try. ;)

Exhibit A: Disney's Aladdin and The Jungle Book. Most of you will know what I'm talking about here... Kaa's only role in The Jungle Book is to hypnotize people to eat them (I'm sure the young vorephiles get off on that, too, actually), and Jafar's got a staff he uses to hypnotize the sultan, and there's a couple wonderful scenes at the end where Jasmine is either compelled to move around by magic or is chained up in harem gear. Lovely stuff.

Moving on from that, when I was 8 or 9 or so, I remember playing all kinds of games with one of my childhood friends which involved sleeping spells (I was obsessed with the idea of falling helplessly asleep) or I as the fiery maiden who got kidnapped and tied up. Ohh yeah.

I was hypnotized for real at the tender age of 13! There was a hypnosis stage show at the campground where my family was vacationing. I did not under any circumstances want to participate in the show (more on that another time), but the hypnotist explained that he was a bit different and would let the audience go under as well, so me and my family did. I suspect now that it was actually the usual "see who in the audience goes under and incorporate them into the show" thing, but more overt. In any case, the experience was more than a little frightening (in the good way), and thoroughly enjoyable.

A few years go by, and I began to make use of the family laptop to do high school homework. I never really wanted to write essays, so I'd waste time on the internet more often than not... I began by simply googling "hypnosis." Soon enough, I found the archive and was hooked. (had my first orgasm masturbating to this story, as a matter of fact. I'm such a pervert. :p)

More years go by, and I had a boyfriend, graduated from high school, etc. I didn't tell anyone about my particular interest in hypnosis, though I kept reading stories. Just stories, though, and an mp3 once in a while...I never tried to talk to anyone in the community or try to get 'tized by a person.

Enter my current boyfriend. Thanks to the wonder of the internet, I told him about my fetish in, what, our third conversation as a couple? And he was very receptive and not grossed out.

Fast forward a full year and two months later, though months of amazing chemistry and loads of vanilla sex. I had started to poke into the hypnofetish community, and was in an IRC channel and talking to my boyfriend at the same time. I brought up the idea of letting one of the 'tists in the channel hypnotize me, and we both agreed that we'd prefer if he did it.

So that's what we did, in April. We're still both pretty new to this, and we're taking baby steps, but god, are they awesome little things. I feel more happy and content as a hypnosub than I ever did as a vanilla girlfriend.


Thanks for reading all that, if you did. :p I'll try to make my future posts more bite-sized.

Well, here I am.

I'm jumping on the hypnoblog bandwagon!

Yes, this domain previously was posts from my vanilla life...blogging about hypnosis is not only more fun, I can pretend it has some redeeming value (eg, maybe others can get ideas/learn). Not that I expect this blog to be great or anything.

Other things: I'm in college (uni to the brits), I'm atheist, nerdy, and use a mac.

I am happily taken and will not be your hypnosubject, but I would like to be friends. You can see profiles of me on fetlife or on this place (we'll see if it takes off, eh?). Or just keep reading.