Ups and Downs

Wednesday or Thursday night we had a really good session. :D Nauzy repeated my reinduction trigger over and over, and I went into a wonderful space each time. I typically associate really deep trance with no movement, hardly any speaking, and an inability to feel one's body; accordingly, I don't consider myself deep/ don't go as deep if I have to move or talk a lot, and I really don't consider myself deep if I can feel where I am in space. When he used my trigger, I went deep. Didn't think, didn't move; I was there, everything was his voice and this grey-white-sparkly-fuzzy space. Very floaty and nice, kind of hard to do justice to. But when I'm there, I know it... even though I am not thinking about it. ;)

And last night was an off night. He tried the triggers, they worked, but not so well. I was in a trance, but not a good one and not a deep one. I wasn't getting into the right headspace; I was tangentially thinking, there was a lot of background noise. Just not a good night for it, so we called it quits instead of pushing. It did serve to remind me that even though we're getting a hell of a lot better with hypnosis, it's not gonna be perfect all the time. Just like with vanilla sex, or anything really: good or bad, there'll be days when it's just One Of Those days. And that's okay.

In less solemn news: Nauzy has indeed expressed interest in a freeze trigger for me. This is pretty exciting in that it's something he wants to do (as opposed to me telling him what I want), and in that I know he'll be deriving enjoyment from teasing me while I'm frozen.

My reactions to actually having a freeze trigger are actually mixed; I've never, ever been interested in them before, and they kind of scare me. I think part of it is fear of humiliation (freeze triggers remind me of hypnosis shows, which I don't like, as well as little tricks like making the subject forget a number or have her hands stuck together, which I hate and will not ever do.) Part of it's also the fear of not having a way out, or being frozen for long stretches at a time.

On that note, I should probably tell Nauzy these things. *runs off to do so*