Aha!

Now I remember. The suggestion was that... when blogging about the skyping I did with AmHypnotic last night, whenever I started a new paragraph, I'd find myself saying "obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience," without even thinking about it. And when I hit the "publish post" button, I was supposed to, and I found, that my eyes fluttered shut and I chanted "obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience" a handful of times. Which was incredibly hot because it was so automatic.

Unfortunately, it seemed that I was... trying to hard for it to work? Or thinking about it too much. I knew I was supposed to do something, but didn't know what, and didn't want to know what. And, like I described, I ended up trancing a bit and being unable to write about what we did at all. Which is a shame, because I love the idea of being commanded to do something without thinking about it. We'll have to tweak it.

Anyhow, we still did a lot of fun things! First, we played with some mantras. Well, actually, first he triggered me to put me under, then deepened me a bit, then told me to repeat the following mantra, just once: "Obedience is Pleasure, Pleasure is Obedience."

I shivered a little bit. "Obedience is Pleasure, Pleasure is Obedience."

"Good Girl. Now, in a minute, I'm going to ask you to chant that phrase, over and over. While you're chanting, you may hear me saying some things, but your conscious mind might not pick up on them." But, of course, my subconscious would hear whatever he said just fine, would remember it totally. My subconscious would even enjoy keeping this particular suggestion a secret from my conscious mind, it would be a fun game.

So, I began chanting. "obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience. obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience. obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience. obedience is pleasure, pleasure is obedience...." And I could hear him saying things, but I couldn't pick up anything more than a word or a phrase here and there. Or, at times when I could make out a sentence, it would go in one ear and out the other, kind of slippery-like.

At the time, of course, I didn't know it, but his suggestion was that whenever he said the words "finger" or "fingers" or "hands" or "hand," or variations thereon, I'd feel as if he was fingering me, for just a few seconds.

He woke me up. "So, how're you feeling?"

"I'm good!"

"Good! So, we weren't able to play much, physically, at the Society last weekend, but maybe you should tell me the kinds of things you do like before we see each other again. You like feeling my hands on you--"

I moaned. Kind of loudly.

"Uh, so, you really like the idea of feeling my hands on you, huh?

"Aaaahhh... uh, yes?" I gasped, my back arching a little.

"You're looking forward to me fingering you?"

I jerked. "Oh god ohgod... yes...ah!"

He toyed with me a little more like that, then dropped the pretense of trying to have a conversation and just started talking about how good his fingers felt, and how nice his hands were, and fingers, hands, fingers, hands... And I was quickly becoming a sweaty pile of submissiveness.

He relented, finally, and told me to remember, and I laughed and sighed happily, and we chatted about some further ideas for play that night. "By the way," he said after a bit. "How good are you at multitasking?"

I was in subspace, so my answer was entirely rambly. "Well, I prefer to do one thing at a time, like, if I'm writing, I have to shut the music off, or I can't think, like, if I'm studying, or blogging. It's kind of like-- there's a name for it-- you read xkcd, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, there was a strip a while back, titled "Qwertial Aphasia," and it's like, this thing where you're tying one thing, and hearing another, so you throw in one of the words you heard, even though you didn't mean to type it. In the strip, the guy says, "I can't afford to keep eating out this giraffe," because someone's talking about stuffed giraffes behind him. Anyhow, that has happened to me when I've tried to listen to stuff and write at the same time."

I suddenly realized what we were talking about. "Why, what kinds of things did you have in mind?"

He laughed quietly, but evilly. "Now why would I tell you that?"

I giggled, pleased that he wasn't going to tell me.

After getting my consent for the next scene we were going to do, he triggered me and put me under. This time, the suggestion was that whenever he said "feel pleasure," I would feel him doing something to me, stuff that I liked. It would vary and change each time he used the phrase "feel pleasure," it wouldn't just be the same sensation over and over. I would continue feeling whatever sensation it was until he either said "stop pleasure," I came, or we lost the connection. Also, whenever he said "what are you feeling?" I would effortlessly and easily describe it to him. And this time, I would forget that the entire trance happened. It would seem to me as if we were still having the conversation we were having before. My subconscious would be amused to keep this secret from my conscious mind.

He woke me up. I wondered aloud if my roommate had gotten back from work yet, and he asked what the note I'd left her said. Still subspace-tastic, I rambily (that is totally now a word) told him how I'd made curry for both of us for dinner, so the note detailed where that was in the fridge, and that I'd put at the end "by the time you read this, I'll be skyping with the hypnotist I met on Saturday, so please don't disturb me unless it's an emergency!"

AmHypnotic chuckled, and chuckled some more when I told him how my roommate had double-taked when I told her I went to a BDSM dungeon to meet a hypnotist ("yeah, hypnosis is kind of up-and-coming in the kink world. ...no pun intended."*) Eventually he worked the phrase "feel pleasure" into a sentence, and smirked audibly when I moaned.

"What are you feeling now?"

"You're fingering me," I responded without thinking, not quite in a monotone, but in something that was similar to my trance voice.

"Good girl. Feel pleasure."

"Oh, oh, oh, ohhhhh..."

"And what are you feeling now?"

"You're rubbing your thumb over my clit..."

"Good girl. Stop pleasure."

I exhaled, relaxed a bit.

"Feel pleasure."

And I tensed back up! We kept going like that, my mind having him do everything from biting my neck to outright fucking me, hard.

Then I heard my roommate come back from work.

"You've gone quiet," AmHypnotic noted.

"Yeah," I said, biting my lip. "I'm trying to control myself, lest my roommate hear me. I mean, I did turn on the fan in the other room, but I've been being kinda loud." And I can be quiet when I moan, or at least, I can be quiet-ish. Muffled. If I have to be.

"I think you can feel yourself losing control, though..." he started. "Feel pleasure."

I whimpered.

"That's right... give in to it. Submit to it. Surrender. Feel pleasure."

My roommate's hearing ability was the last thing on my mind at this point. I was in a wonderful, loud, mindless haze, feeling all my favorite sensations and hearing a sexy hypnotist say all my favorite words. It was fucking amazing. /understatement

After a little while, he made me come, which was, you know, hot. :p And then he made me come again, but told me to be totally relaxed during it. That was interesting. I kind of felt like I was floating underwater, except the water flowing around me was the waves of my very drawn-out orgasm. It was nice, but when it ended, I decided I liked the tense-and-thrashy kind of orgasm better.

"Yeah, you're prone to squirming, huh?"

"Yeah, but no, when I'm coming, I thrash."

He chuckled.

"Playing with you is fun," I said, very happy, a big subby grin on my face.

We chatted for a bit about this terrible, terrible documentary on BDSM we watched the other night. It's titled Fetishes, and it's on hulu, if you're stateside and curious. It's mostly about this one professional dungeon in New York City, but it never goes into detail about the other facts of BDSM, despite presenting itself as a Thorough Documentary On BDSM (I mean, the social scene is pretty different, hello). The narrator/documentor also does various stupid things like interrupting people when they're answering his questions, fucking up BDSM terminology ("the submissives are called slaves,"), only showing negotiation once, and interviewing people mid-scene. Mid-scene!

"Seriously, I mean, you've heard me, there's nooo way I could say anything cogent about BDSM in this mindset, " I said, smirking.

" 'BDSM is, like, fun, and... stuff!' " AmHypnotic mocked.

I giggled, then started, because I could hear my phone ringing across the room.

"Something you need to get?"

"Yeah, sorry, I should see who it is, be right back."

He waited patiently (or impatiently, I'm not sure :p), 'till I got back and put my headset back on. "Speaking of giving interviews," I said. "That was my mother."

Not the first time she's called me in the midst of sex, or kink, but what timing, right? I was pretty amused.

Then, let's see.. in the notes I jotted down for myself, after my mom called I have "definitely a big blank space" written, which I'm pretty sure means this was when he gave me the "chant mantra when blogging" suggestions that I detailed at the beginning of this post. After that we were pretty much done for the night. I asked for the time, and he said it had only been an hour. "Jeez, I lose time like woah," I said.

"Did you feel like we did more stuff, or that time flew by, or what?" AmHypnotic asked.

"Um... the amount of stuff we did tonight, it just feels like they should've taken up more time," I replied. Which, you know, can't complain, it means I have more free time!

Anyhow, that's it for this post. Tomorrow's the New England Hypnosis Group's play party at the Society, which I will be attending. I am really, really excited for it, seriously, I am going to be all distracted at work today, thinking about all the kinky shit I'll be getting up to in 24 hours. :D


* I have been making SO MANY terrible, terrible puns lately, without trying at all. I kind of feel like somebody's hypnotized me to make all these puns, but I don't seem to recall anything of the sort... ;)

Fun with an experienced 'tist, part 2

When last we left, our intrepid protagonists were feeling extremely satisfied with the current state of affairs! And about to get more satisfied.

AmHypnotic poked me. "You have sex hair, a little bit, there."

"I feel like I ought to have sex hair!" I replied, laughing.

"How would you feel about an orgasm trigger?"

I don't remember my exact words, but I believe they were to the effect of "fuck yeah!"

So he did that, wording it carefully so that I wouldn't get too overloaded. We didn't test it just then; rather, having recovered somewhat from the afterglow of my two previous orgasms, I decided I needed to find a bathroom and drink some water. Both are things I tend to need after an orgasm, reinforcing the fact that it was real (squee!).

We found Sluttydee, who in turn had found birthday spankings and someone to put her in a harness, and water was had all around. I was immensely amused by the use of red plastic cups, you know, the kind that normally contain gratuitous amounts of alcohol at frat parties...of course, at the Society, there was only water, no alcohol allowed, and the cups were probably the most vanilla thing in the building. We watched some other folk scene for a bit, and Dee and I gushed about hypnotically-induced orgasms (yes yes hur hur hur), then went back to the room we'd been in before.

"I have an idea," Dee announced. "You should sit here--" she patted a big stuffed chair across from the couch, and nodded to AmHypnotic "--and try to put us both under at once!"

"Okay," AmHypnotic replied. "any ideas after that?"

I looked at Dee, and we both kinda shrugged. "You're the top!" I said, half-joking, half-serious. "That's your job, to come up with ideas!"

I was actually pretty interested to see how he was going to put us under using the same induction, but instead he bantered a bit with Sluttydee (while I giggled), then put us under individually and quickly, one right after the other. I wasn't too disappointed ;)

Then he set up a suggestion that my touch on Dee would feel twice as pleasurable to her, and vice-versa, making sure to clarify it for us. He asked if we understood, and I heard Dee intone on my left: "How does Arel feel about this?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "Dee's hot, I'm bi, it's all good," I remember saying, which is definitely not the sort of thing I would've said if I wasn't in trance (I probably would've said "fine" or "yes" and left it at that). This amuses me.

Anyhow, AmHypnotic set the suggestion in place and woke us up, and Dee and I kind of looked at each other. I told her quickly about my neck, so as to give her exactly the right ideas, and this is where it gets fuzzy again... We started out with light touches on not-particularly-erogenous areas; arms and legs and such. Then I think she moved up to my neck, and suddenly AmHypnotic was sitting on my other side, telling her about the suggestion he'd given me about my hands... which, I realized, was back in effect now that we were back in the right room...! And then they were both going at my hands and it felt so, so, so good...

At one point, they were both pressing the center of my hands, and my brain registered that as both of them fingering me at once, and I tried to verbalize my train of thought, which was, "But that's physically impossible! It feels incredible, but what! How!" * but it came out more like "but thaa.... ahhh ohh....oh god" until Dee stopped and asked what I was trying to say. I remember both of them being pleased/amused/aroused by my particular talent for getting incoherent and melty. **

She didn't stop for long, though, and I was again completely awash in these over-the-top wonderful, pleasurable sensations. Then AmHypnotic used my orgasm trigger, and I was coming so freaking hard, and then and then and then. I got to catch my breath.

"I'm so glad I came, literally and, uh, literally," I said, and everyone snerked. But it was accurate, right? I didn't have a figurative orgasm, I had real ones. :D

And then it was Sluttydee's turn. I'd, ah, never been with a girl before, so mentally I was kind of like "I get to touch?? really?!" And touch I did. I was having fun with her now twice-as-sensitive breasts, and legs, and AmHypnotic had put his hand around her throat, and she moaned, "oh, I'm getting all my favorite things at once!" And we played with her a little more, until she kind of gasped "I think you should trigger me," and that's exactly what AmHypnotic did. It was pretty hot, seeing her come.

"Well, I don't think it's gonna get any better than this," I said after a few minutes, "So I'd best head out." And in truth, it was 11, and I wanted to be home and in bed around midnight. *** So they walked me to the door and gave me hugs, and home I went, grateful that no comments had been made about how early I liked to go to sleep. And, well, grateful for a few other things. ;p



*of course, it occurs to me now that it would indeed be physically possible to have two people fingering a person at once, but uh, I bet it would feel different.


** Actually, I was impressed by how completely incoherent they were making me. Generally, I can kind of ignore sensory input from my genitals if I desire, and I can almost always cut through the pleasure to form a sentence if I really want to. I just usually don't want to, because being incoherent is really fucking hot. But yeah, they actually made me interrupt myself with moaning. Which was completely and utterly sexy.

*** I kind of have a feeling that DrSlashBlight is gonna comment and be all "you'd better stay later than that for the hypno play night!" And yes, yes, I am hoping to find somebody who can drive home next weekend, so I can stay later. Or, failing that, I will simply consume an energy drink and weep later about my horrid sleep hygiene. While, you know, simultaneously having a big grin on my face because I'm getting tranced left and right.

Ha!

So, at Haven, I ran into one of my coworkers (I currently work at the local Whole Foods as a cashier). She's extraverted, somewhat older than me, and her personality just comes across as really... bright and thorough, kind of. Wholesome, even, is how she comes across. She's cool.

And definitely not the type I would have expected to run into at Haven! She was like "Arel!" (though obviously not using my internet name :p) and I expected it to be some more of my kinky friends, and I totally double-taked. She was there with her boyfriend, in a much more awesome pirate costume than I was. Long boots, big red dress, awesome feathered hat and waist cincher. "I got it just for this," she said.

Today, she came through my line at work and was like "So, it was really nice to see you at Haven!" And I nodded and said how funny it was that I was even there, since it was totally a last-minute thing. And she was like, "oh, yeah, it's funny, too. I used to go to Haven all the time, 'cause I was really active in the Scene." And I blinked, evidently not realizing how synonymous "Haven" and "Kink" were until that moment. She continued, "but I stopped, because people kept bothering me, and it was just... bleh." (I'm totally taking blogger's license and paraphrasing here.)

"Nobody came up and talked to me," I said, "although, I'm new, and I was also... with someone." (where by "with" I meant "obviously making out with at times")

She nodded halfway through my sentence. "Yeah, you were with someone, and I was really into the local Scene, like going to parties at people's houses. But, yeah, my boyfriend goes all the time and got me to go with him. I'm really glad I ran into someone I knew!"

And I picked my jaw up off the floor and gave her her receipt!



The funniest part, in my opinion, was how clueless the other cashier and the bagger in the vicinity were. "haven" and "the scene" are pretty generic terms to mundanes. As would "munch" be, god knows I've had to explain that concept a few times! We were basically talking in code, which I am always a fan of, about sex, at work, which was just amusing and... rule-breaking-y. (talking about sex at work is okay sometimes, but not recommended because it can create a harassing environment)

So, I was formerly out to one coworker about being kinky, and now I'm out to two and have a fellow kinkster at work. I wonder if she's on fetlife, or if Pseudonymous Dom knows her. That would be amusing! Small word!

I believe the best way to title this post is "omgyes"

So, he left, and I grumbled something about being all hot and bothered, thinking about how tired I am of getting off to porn recently. Something about having the real thing dangling right in front of your face makes reading inductions to get off kind of a drag. I brushed my teeth and got into bed, then it occurred to me that I should check my text messages, see if my roommate had responded to my "hey, I has a dude over, FYI"

She had, but I also had a second message! "You still up?" it had been sent twenty minutes ago.
"ah, well, I'm in bed, but yes, still awake," I thumbed.
"I was wondering if you wanted me to finish what I started with the kiss I gave you as I was leaving."
"oh, very much so. do you mean, now?" I half-expected him to be all "when I see you on tuesday, that is!" and be a tease, but I was hoping not. As I replied, I got a second message from him: "to meet you at the door, take you by the hair and push you into the apartment, my lips on yours, my hands around you..."
I gasped a little, really hoping that he wasn't going to make me wait. I got another message. Very brief, just "yes." Now.
"*squirms* I'm currently naked and in bed, will that be a problem?"
"it will not, as long as you let me in" I leaped out of bed, and my phone buzzed again. "on my way. hope you like being pinned against a wall"

So, he arrived, metal fingernails from his sensation play kit in hand (or on hand, rather :p). He grabbed my hair and kissed me and pushed me up against a wall, just as he'd promised, then used my very oldest trigger that I'd told him about. Stroking my temples downward puts me into a pretty light trance, but a trance nonetheless. He then tried to make me come on command, and it just did not work, because I am le suck at hallucinating things (that is, in fact, the scientific term). Especially in so light a trance. I brought myself out of the trance after he'd stopped and said "um, A for effort?"

"well, I can certainly make you feel things without hypnosis," he said, and I brought him to my bedroom. Conveniently, I already had zero clothes on (not even socks! :p), and we shortly got to fucking like rabbits.

Now, I'm pretty sure it's because of my submissiveness, but during sex, I, hm. It's not that I'm unresponsive (because I can get really loud), it's just that I prefer to lie back and take it, if you will, instead of being ridiculously active during it. Let's put it this way: I have never been able to be the partner on top because I can't properly enjoy myself if I have to be actively fucking my partner. (also I've never been willing to figure out the mechanics of being on top, probably because I don't particularly like those positions ;)

Pseudonymous Dom picked up on this. "I don't even have to tie you up," he said after we'd started, and I couldn't tell if it was domly musing or dirty talk. Or both. "I can just do this--" he thrusted again "--to you, and you can't even move, can you?"

I moaned.

"You can't control your arms, and the only thing you can do with your legs is wrap them around me... "
"I...ohhhh...."
"hmmm?"
"I... could.... move my arms... if I wanted to," I asserted, between moans. "I just don't want to."
"And you can't even quite focus your eyes, can you?"
"ohh, no..." and indeed I couldn't. I kept trying to look up at him, but I wasn't able to do so for more than a few seconds before my eyes would roll back.

And it went on like that for a bit longer, and it was hot, and although I did not go into subspace, it was still excellent. And now I have to go to my cashiering day job with two giant hickeys on my neck.

Having a play partner is a blast.

Hair-Pulling

Pseudonymous Dom came over tonight, and we chatted about the gulf war and ate food and made out a little. And watched this video. Nothing particularly kinky. It was fun, and nice. And then, at the end, in the doorway:

"Oh yeah, my fiancee likes it that you make me more domly. I hope you don't mind that we're using you like this :p"
"mmmm"
"You'll get some benefits out of it. :p"
"I'd better get something out of it!"
"You might also get some immediate benefit out of it."

And he suddenly pulled my head back by the hair and kissed me, hard. And then left.

...I believe I am officially into hair-pulling!

Car Trancing

He put me under in the car! (he was driving, of course.) And an interesting thing happened. Have you ever closed your eyes when someone else is driving, and tried to guess where you are based on how the car is moving? I'm usually waay off. This time, after I was woken up by a particularly silly phrase, I realized we were right where I figured, somewhere in the very back of my head, we would be. Interesting! Probably due more to the road we were on than the trance, but you never know.

Oh, and if you're wondering, the phrase was, "...and we'll hop out of the car and have a delicious burrito."

Open-eye trances

So Nauzy's gotten good enough to do pretty hot eye-focus inductions. Or, you know, something resembling them; I go under so fast I'm not sure it's fair to call it an induction. :p

The other day he put me under and told me to keep my eyes open, and it was awesome. It was quite different from an eyes-closed trance. Since I'm not used to being under with my eyes open (I associate open eyes with being awake), I found I had to focus quite a bit on staying under, which worked nicely because it tied up most of my conscious mind, and left my subconscious mind free to take suggestions. I rather like the way hypnotized people in movies and such sometimes have blank, open eyes, and Nauzy seems to like that look as well. :p A+; will try again.

In other news, we finally made it to the erotic hypnosis munch in Boston, and got to meet many excellent people I'm sure I'll get to know well, once we can make it out again.

Back to sexy things, he pulled off a really, really hot... I don't know what to call it. I was mostly awake, lying down (I say "mostly," because he put on his Voice and I wavered a bit). I didn't want to get up. He was sitting next to me, murmuring in my ear something about how he may or may not have given me a suggestion, but that I might just find myself sitting right up when he snapped his fingers.

"You didn't give me a suggestion like that," I said, smirking. "I'd remember it."
"Didn't I?" He raised his eyebrows. "But it doesn't matter if I did or if I didn't, because I think when I snap my fingers in a minute it'll be soo easy for you to sit right up," and in a minute, he snapped his fingers, and I sat up.

I honestly don't know what to call it, but the way he set it up and worded it was awesome, and perfect, and totally hot. And I told him so. :p And, of course, sitting up is probably a good thing to start with if he's going to be making me do things on command. Positive reinforcement and all that, and sitting up doesn't have any of the "humiliating trick" associations I make with some common suggestions (forgetting a number, for example. I'm not sure if you could convince me to forget a number, then wake me up and make me count. Maybe if I went really deep, and it was in private, and we'd agreed to it beforehand). I digress. It was excellent. I definitely want more of those, whatever we call them.

Interestingly, though, and probably because I was awake when he started: I made a semi-conscious decision in the very back of my head to comply with what he wanted after I knew what it was. It was like, "sitting up? Oh, I can do that, no problem. But will I?" And I left some suspense for myself. It made me feel a little like I had too much control over the situation-- after all, I know I could've said "no, I won't do that, Nauzy," and, you know, not done it. I kind of crave not having a choice in obeying commands, and fear it very much; enough, I guess, that I run suggestions by myself before I accept them, both on a conscious and subconscious level.

....you know, which is kind of the point; that's what's supposed to happen, after all. So maybe it's not that wierd, anyways. I just wish I wasn't aware of it as much as I am, and I wist I wouldn't start, when I'm under and he gives me a suggestion, and contemplate what he's saying. Maybe we can avoid that if he's more subtle with the way he puts in suggestions. Hmmm.

A Truly Awesome Analogy

He'd been telling me, when I was under, that I loved to be helpless, and helpless other things, helpless etc. Something about it was rubbing me the wrong way, so when he woke me up I explained it to him.

"I like helplessness... but only when it's with something else. I don't like being helpless in and of itself, but it's really hot when it's combined with obedience or being under your control." He nodded, I paused thoughtfully. "Kinda like ketchup. You wouldn't eat it with a spoon, but it tastes pretty great on burgers!"

In which I am very, very obedient

Okay, time I posted some sexy stuff. Nauzy and I have done some marvelous things of late. They seem to all blend together in my mind, though, so I am taking huge amounts of creative license.

I have gotten so very good at becoming so very blank and compliant when he so much as whispers in his Voice. Remember how I used to want so badly to go blank all the time? We don't even worry about it anymore, because when I'm under I might as well be blank. I get so receptive and calm and helpless and mmmm.

I mentioned to him that I thought it'd be particularly hot if he made me say things when I was under. So we got naked and he put me under when I wasn't even expecting it.

"I want you to repeat after me," he said. "'I am deeply hypnotized.'"
"I am deeply hypnotized."
"'I love being hypnotized.'"
"I love being hypnotized."
"'I am completely helpless.'"
"I am completely helpless."
It feels good to be helpless. I love being helpless. It feels so wonderful to be helpless. How does it feel to be helpless? So wonderful.

It actually wasn't as hot as I'd thought it would be. But it was still pretty nice. Somewhere in there I have a vague memory of him giving me suggestions that I loved obeying him, and I'd want to obey him even when I was awake.

..that one was hot. And it worked oh so well. The next night we were saying goodnight out at my car, and he made an offhand comment about how obedient I was and how much I would love kneeling and doing his bidding... and all of a sudden I noticed that my knees were giving way. I was starting to kneel without even having been given a direct command!

"Uh, d'you really want me to kneel in the parking lot...?" I asked. He pulled me back up and kissed me. "Probably not, no. But you are a very obedient, good girl, aren't you?"

I squirmed.

The "why" post

When I was receiving new thread notifications from the Submissive Women and the Comfy Chair groups on fetlife, at least once a week someone'd start a thread to the effect of: "why are we like this?" Here's my take on it.

There is a theory (heard it from the marvelous Dan Savage, I'm not sure if it's his or not) that some fetishes come from an intense fear, and the mind turns it into a sexual obsession in order to cope. I think that theory has some merit, at least for me, because I always have feared losing control or losing bodily autonomy. I hate and am really really terrified of local anesthesia, because I'm awake but I can't make use of whatever body part has been numbed. It's creepy, I'm not in control of my own body, and I hate it. But at the same time... I like being tied up, and I adore having my mind shut down so that I can't help but follow orders. It is an amusing contradiction.

I was mulling this over the other day with Nauzy, and we tried to see if he gets turned on by any of his fears. No such luck. "Maybe it's a matter of correlation rather than causation," he said. Possibly so. "That, and I'm sure the lingerie and high-heels fetishists weren't scared of them as kids," I replied, amused by the idea. "But consider this: the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) is involved in arousal and orgasm.... yet the parasympathetic nervous system (it does the opposite) has a hand in there too."

Who knows? There're probably quite a few different ways people develop fetishes or were born with them. Mine seems to be a fear response, though there's got to be more to it. Maybe the predilection to have fetishes is genetic, but needs to be triggered somehow. Maybe it's a matter of conditioning: someone likes masturbating to a certain kind of porn, and then it becomes the only kind of porn they can get off to (though, the turn-on would've still been there in the first place somehow...).

I think the only conclusion we can make is: human sexuality is immensely complicated, and I don't envy anyone researching it. :p

Noobish mistakes, but some good news, too

We should probably find Nauzy a mentor, or something. We do all kinds of hypnotic stuff just slightly wrong, because neither of us knows better. This time: fooling around with my sexual orientation.

I've been bi-curious for a while, and Nauzy and I decided to give me some suggestions to boost my attraction to girls. They worked, but then my sex drive disappeared and I asked him to remove them. In reality, it was probably due to me being overtired than anything else, but I'm glad they're gone. They worked a little too well, I think-- I ended up craving sex with a woman, any woman, and seeing as most of my friends are women, it was a little awkward for a few days.

Live and learn, right? I do have good news, though!


<Nauzy> wasn't always the case but lately I've fantasized more frequently about talking my way into the pants of girls who have no idea who I am and yet can't help but go along with it....
<Nauzy> talking/molesting/whatever
* Nauzy shrugs
* arel's clit tingles a bit
<arel> go on.. ;)
<arel> (sounds hot. might be good for a story)
<Nauzy> (<.<)
<Nauzy> (>.>)
<arel> (hell..... here, if it was a story, it'd be the kind of story I'd bookmark.)
<Nauzy> (HMMMM)
<arel> (specifically the "talking my way" bit and "can't help going along with it" parts. ;)
* arel gets all wet and shit
<Nauzy> usually though I'm very vague in my own fantasies on the kind of things I say/do... concentrating instead on my victims' flustered, stumbling comments of helplessness....
<arel> >.>
<arel> <.<
<arel> like what?
<Nauzy> well
<Nauzy> "wait... no... ah... I--I can't stop..."
* Nauzy shrugs
<arel> and eventually they succumb to whatever you're doing?
<arel> I think we may be... fantasizing on the same wavelength.
<arel> I *really* like the kind of role the girl's playing there.
* Nauzy rubs hands together... and shit :p



Essentially, Nauzy and I have complementary fantasies. I think this'll bode very well for the future.

Something to Blog About

Okay, I'm going to disappoint most of you, because this post is more about D/s than hypnosis. But it's relevant and recent and involving masturbation, so there. :p

We'd planned on having a good long session last night on voicechat, but Nauzy was falling asleep in his chair and had to wake me up, poor thing. Somehow he managed to pull the following off:

I was commenting about how sexy his voice sounded. His regular voice, hell, I said, even the sound of him typing sounded hot. "I think it's because I haven't masturbated in a week or so," I said. That's when he proceeded to hypnotize me briefly but wonderfully and wake me up. I should say that I've gotten really really good at getting into nice solid, passive trances lately; I don't stir if he pauses and I don't think much at all after he says the first few words. Though I don't go consistently much deeper than medium deep-blue, it's still pretty awesome. Progress, check!

So I told him it was okay that his sleep schedule was normalizing (he used to stay up until two in the morning, much to my chagrin), and we continued talking normally. We're like that. "Oh, time to go to sleep/ drive home/ get milk!" And then he pounces on me and I spend twenty minutes disentangling both of us. :p

Conversation drifted, and he asked me if I was in bed. "Obviously," I replied, vocally rolling my eyes. I always get in bed for hypnosis on voicechat.

"Well, I was just checking if you were all ready, because sometimes you aren't," he said, sounding kind of meek.

"You can yell at me, " I said. "I shouldn't've spoken back like that."

"Yeees... you should just respond blindly to my questions." He sounded terribly devious. I squirmed.

"Somehow, the idea of answering your questions blankly and without thinking is really, really hot," I said, squirming more. "I'm squirming really hard right now."

"I think you are going to start masturbating. Right now, get your hand down there!"

"oh, okay!" I kind of gasped. I'd never heard so much authority in his voice before.

"how wet are you?" Oops. I was touching myself, but through my sweatpants, so I had to scramble to check.

"WELL?" he demanded. I felt a tinge of fear, the good kind of fear. That was the kind of "well" that could hurt you. And I loved it.

"I, ah, not very."

"Well you're just going to have to masturbate anyways."

There was no room for debate there. And I wanted to anyways, so I did. And wow. I forget what he said after that, but it pushed my buttons like nothing else. I gasped again and came pretty hard.

"Good girl..." he cooed. Now, he's said good girl before, but man, last night I really felt it. I felt completely submissive and more dominated than I've ever been by Nauzy. Incredible and wonderful and oh-so right.

And then he commanded me to go to bed, and I slept very deeply, dreaming of hypno-superheroes and lesbians.

Later!

A Treatise on Lace

There are a few stereotypes about red-blooded young males that most girls pick up by the time they've graduated from high school:
1. They only ever want one thing.
2. They think that two girls kissing is extremely hot.
3. Black, lacy underwear is really sexy.

Now, I call them stereotypes for a reason; not all guys are of that mindset... but Nauzy, for the most part, is. :p And for us, as a couple, that's not a problem generally: our sex drives match up pretty well, I'm somewhat bisexual, and I like wearing black... but the lace, not so much.

I have never, ever been a fan of lacy anything. Lace is frilly and girly in a way that I am not, and lace on bras or panties makes me think of awkward things. This is not helped by the fact that underthings never have just a little lace; they've always got to be plastered with it.

Therefore, I suggested that he, er, suggest to me that I'll enjoy wearing lace more. He agreed, we came up with a rough draft suggestion, aiming to get me to think about his hands roaming all over me when I think of lace. (and can I just take a moment to say that really blunt, direct communication like this works wonders. Talking about suggestions beforehand lets me enjoy the ride more and I feel more confident in what he's doing. good stuff.)

So the trance. He started taking me down, using my trigger, which works beeeautifully these days. It had been a long day for me, and I think that's why I started blanking out right about when he started giving the suggestion. I stopped listening to the words and tuned in to the sound of his voice, and the navy blue of very deep trance started to get flecked with black; oh so warm and comfortable... and next thing I knew I was waking up.

Oh yeah, it was one of those. I didn't remember anything. Maybe a bit about telling him how deep I was, but after that, nada. And oh, what a thrill! I love the idea of knowing that the 'tist has done something to my mind that I don't know. I'm so clearly not in control and I don't know what's coming next, and, of course, I'm completely helpless to stop it. Mmm.

It wasn't my/our intent for this to happen with something, well, so mundane, but I don't think either of us is complaining. If anything, Nauzy's getting a bigger kick out of it than I am... He mentioned last night something about me having "two more days."

"Two more days for what?" I asked, thinking, Columbus day vacation was last week...
"You don't remember?"
I squirmed. "No! What'd you do to me?!"
"You really don't remember... oh, nothing." I could hear him smirk.

Oh, my. What have I created... ;)

More about triggers

Okay, fellow hypnobloggers: what kind of terminology do you use when you're talking about giving someone a trigger? I guess it's a bit like the debate I read on one of the forums about what to call a subject (subject, victim, hypnotee, partner in crime...). One term sounds too clinical, one too sinister, one too silly.

I suppose "give someone a trigger" works just fine, but it's wordy. I prefer "install" myself, but I think that comes across in an either non-consensual way or a fembot way. *shrug* I mean it in a programming-analogy way, because I think programming's rather sexy. And I like to make analogies out of everything, so there you go. That's the word I'll be using, anyways; feel free to sound off with your own words.

On that note, I have to confess that I lied in my last post. We did test my triggers last night, at my behest. You know, it's frustrating, sometimes, to get Nauzy to understand how badly I want to be hypnotized. I am to hypnosis as he is to sex, I guess, or even more so: I'm not comfortable with huge public displays of affection, but I'd be pretty thrilled to go under in public (and he's the opposite in both respects, of course. :p). I can honestly say that in nine cases out of ten, I'd rather be hypnotized than have an orgasm (at least when I've got my own personal hypnotist on the line ;).

So anyways, I asked if we could test the triggers, and he quite happily, I think, obliged. He tested the make-me-masturbate one first, though, when I was expecting the reinduction trigger. Figures. :p

The make-me-masturbate trigger (hereafter referred to as the "release trigger," as that's one of the words used) worked a lot better than I expected. I know that it was, at least in part, due to me already being worked up over his voice, but it worked and set a, uh, very hot precedent. Best orgasm I've had in days.

I had to remind him that I had one more trigger ("and the other one?" "uh..what other one?" "the reinduction trigger?" "oh yeah. Sleep."), and I was honestly kind of disappointed; I barely went under. However, I think I know the problem: usually when Nauzy hypnotizes me, I'm sitting up, and my head drops as I relax. Last night, I was lying down in my bed, and there wasn't too much head-dropping I could do. It's kind of annoying that head-dropping has become a factor in my going under, but there's not much we can do but practice and try to eliminate it. And even if it never works it's okay, since I go so deep so quickly when he's doing a full-out induction. Which I prefer anyways, it's such fun to struggle. :p

Finally, I think the best part of the night was after he'd woken me up, he said, "I would like you to find a few hours with lots of privacy, so we can just play with your triggers."

Yes!

Triggers

(I did add my wonderful boyfriend as an author here, but I know that he won't post much. :p)

So triggers! I'll be honest and say that I am dying to have a really solid working one. As of now, I've got a couple that are lukewarm and don't do anything particularly sexy: a verbal one that puts me to sleep (literal sleep, as in before I go to bed, you :p), and a verbal one that puts me back into trance.

I suspect that the lukewarmidity of my triggers is due to my own preconceived notions about trance, and the fact that I'm still partly guiding 'Nauzy in what to do. Usually when I go under, I am still pretty lucid and my brain is, sadly, still running a commentary on what's going on. I'd like to think that when I'm really deep I won't think at all or have much memory of what happened in the trance.

This has, happily, happened a few times; I've woken up and been like "so, how far down did you count?" because I can't remember anything past 60. But that state has been tricky to recreate --I've got to be in just the right mindset-- and apparently there're no outward indicators of when I get there, no breathing changes or REM or anything.

At the moment, my reinduction trigger works, but it's not "zappy" enough for my tastes. He'll say the words, and I'll slump down and I definitely go under, but not very deep. Full inductions work better for me (and they're hotter. :p).

But we're working on that. I'd love a reinduction trigger that just puts me out into the forgetful-place, hopefully it's not impossible. I have to learn to relax, I guess (:p). To let go.

I once used the analogy that hypnotizing me was like programming my mind (he's a computer programmer, y'see), and 'Nauzy noted: "ah! 90 percent of it is debugging!"