Humiliation/Degradation

The other day I added "curious about degradation" to my fetlife list. It's been something I've been mulling over lately.

Pseudonymous Dom foisted a game of Columns (a strategy game) on me the other day. I'd never played before, and lost spectacularly. I hate losing games. Losing means that I am not competent at whatever game it is, that the other person is better and I have to recognize that. It's embarrassing. It emphasizes a power differential, in a way, between me and whomever I'm playing with. With my siblings, this situation is kind of weird. With a Dom I'm currently fucking, on the other hand...

And then, last night when I was a little drunk (or maybe a lot drunk, I'm not sure), I wandered into this IRC channel I hang out in. Lately that chan has been hearing a lot about my sex life, so I was blathering about how I wanted to get laid but couldn't because I was on vacation. This guy who was new to the chan, who I assume to be around my age, was hitting on me. We bantered for a while, I said some stupid stuff to my ex, and went to bed. I didn't think much of flirting with that guy.

Today, I log in, and said guy is there, pinging me repeatedly and annoyingly. We have the following exchange:

19:53 Arel: Dropkick: so who are you again?
19:53 Dropkick: MSPA dude
19:53 Ginger: The one who's going to DC.
19:53 Ginger: And isn't kinky.
19:53 Arel: ginger, hahahahaha
19:53 Arel: that's right.
19:53 Dropkick: right
19:53 Dropkick: that was me last night
19:53 Arel: I remember!
19:54 Dropkick: I'm sure you do Miss BDSM Bottom
19:55 Arel: I actually identify as a sub, thank you very much :p
19:55 Dropkick: I'm just taking the reference of the opposite of what you requested for in a partner, Arel

This turned me on, so of course the first thing I did was intellectualize it. :p He was talking down to me, and was basically pointing out that he knew some information that I didn't. AND he was making me feel silly and stupid while referencing a time when I'd been horny and foggy-minded and vulnerable.

See, like, I don't think I'd want to be put in a truly humiliating situation, but a little bit of it, like being put in my place or being made to feel helpless, so far seems to be sexy! I will keep an eye out for similar situations in the future.

A thought on alcohol

before I forget! Also, disclaimer, I am somewhat drunk at the moment. drunkblogging: don't try this at home, kids!

Alcohol makes me dizzy, and makes it harder to form coherent thoughts. It also makes me really, really wet. After a certain point, I'm usually just like "oh god I am so horny and can't think about anything other than sex, somebody needs to come take advantage of me NOW"

I will come back and edit this post to say something more sensical about why I like this state. Although, for a sub, it's probably pretty self-evident ;)

My new year's resolution: awesome sex all the time

Delicious drinks were had on new year's eve, and I've unscientifically determined a bit about alcohol and me! Basically, alcohol makes me really horny. Really horny. I remarked to Nauzy, "I'm not sure how much of the falling-all-over-you was the alcohol, and how much was my subconscious just wanting an excuse to grope you." Seriously. It was pretty fun.

Interestingly, I had no desire to go under, and indeed, I didn't, while I was intoxicated. Not for a lack of situations where I could've, though. When I'm sober, sometimes Nauzy'll whisper something hypnotic and sexy into my ear, and oops, down I go! He accommodates this by noting if I get motionless or limp (which is usually how I respond to trance), and snapping his fingers, which wakes me up.

Apparently I must've been clinging to him and seemed to go under, because he snapped his fingers at me a few times when I was not at all thinking about trance. I was not interested at all in going under: I was mostly thinking about sex. With him. Lots of it.

While this may seem uncharacteristically vanilla of me, it's really not! What I like about hypnosis is being out of control, and alcohol produces the same effect. The two states don't feel anything alike, mind you; it's just that when I'm intoxicated, there's no need to put me under because I'm already in a state I love to be in.

He used my "feel drunk" trigger later, when we were both sober. It worked (inasmuch as "feel drunk" is synonymous with "feel horny" for me), but it definitely needs to be strengthened now that I've had some real experience.

Meanwhile, my new year's resolution is getting off to a very good start. ;p

I have a trigger!

And it's a trigger that works fantastically, and I say this after a few runs. We took the feeling I had of being tipsy (even though, of course, I wasn't really) and gave me a trigger for it, basically. It makes me more stupidly horny than drunk, which works out just fine for everyone, I think. :p

Half the time, when Nauzy triggers me with it, I feel like I'm acting, but obviously it works on my subconscious, because the other day when he triggered me I totally was trying to seduce him while triggered, but after he shut it off I wanted nothing to do with sex. Not that I think I would've regretted it if we had, though. ;)

Anyhow, yay, working trigger. I'm pleased. :D

A Story About How Arel Is Really Fucking Suggestible

Hey guys! I'm really, really suggestible! Also: Sky still blue! Film at eleven!

No, seriously, I've known I tend to be more suggestible outside of trance (see: the spectacular results of that waking trance earlier this summer), but I hadn't realized to what extent. Here is how I found out: I've been a good college kid, so far; haven't gone to any parties and gotten really drunk like, um, you're supposed to do, or something. I mentioned a while ago (no, a while; like, a year ago) to Nauzy that I've always thought it might be hot to get drunk and have sex. This, I've since realized, is probably because of the cultural expectation that alcohol makes one less inhibited, and what is hypnosis if not lowering people's inhibitions?

So, Nauzy, even before we got into hypnosis, always agreed with me that it would probably be hot. We never got around to me trying anything alcoholic, though, till last weekend.

I considered this kind of a test run; a pilot study, if you will. I basically sampled all the liquors, and several liquers, that he had on hand (Nauzy's been overage much longer than I have :p), after eating dinner, which was mostly chicken. I had maybe a few mouthfuls total.

But, since I was having alcohol, and I don't know what my tolerance is like, I started feeling really... wierd, merely under the cultural suggestion that alcohol does things to you. I started feeling lightheaded and unsteady on my feet. I got giggly. And, most interestingly, I started feeling really aroused. No, really, I was really, really, really turned on. Most likely because I was feeling out-of-control, and of course Nauzy was there to be in control.

The most amusing part, though, is that of course I wasn't actually feeling the effects of alcohol whatsoever. I'd just had a bunch of protein, which slows the metabolization of alcohol, so there's no way I could be getting tipsy that quickly; and I didn't have much at all in the first place. So I can conclude that anything I felt was merely suggestion, which, you know, isn't surprising at all, what with all the other shenanigans I get up to :p

The sex after was completely vanilla but excellent, for the record. And I didn't much like any of the things I tried, except the Frangelico. I'm told it's an acquired taste. I suppose next weekend we'll see how I react to alcohol in reality. In the meantime, I'm thinking that it might make more sense for Nauzy to give me suggestions when I'm awake, if this is any indication. :p