Something about hypnosis stage shows has always squicked me, and I've never been able to put my finger on it. I've never wanted to participate in one, and I tend to dislike watching them.
Part of it, I've figured, is because your average stage show does nothing sexy except the initial induction. The tricks and games all tend to have an element of public humiliation to them, and that sort of thing is neither entertaining nor amusing to me. Just my personal preference; more power to people who do like it.
But the other part of it hit me the other day, the root of why I will not, under any circumstances, participate in a traditional hypnosis stage show: there's no negotiation beforehand. When you get up and volunteer to participate, you are absolutely trusting that the hypnotist won't do anything that's a hard limit for you, without having discussed your limits (and their abilities and comfort zones) beforehand.
I was doing some negotiation with a 'tist, once, and he said "you seem to be very keen to know exactly what's going to happen when I put you under." and I kind of shrugged, at the time, like "yeah, well, I'm weird, fucking tell me what's going to happen already." But later, replaying the negotiation in my head, I could have said "yeah, because I can't consent to things I don't know about!" Because I can't. (BDSM being what it is, other people are indubitably cool with it, I am not; at all or ever. No surprises, plox!)
So that's what I don't like about your average stage show: I, a participant, don't know what's going to happen, and can't properly consent to it, so it just doesn't happen for me.
It occurs to me, though, that now that I know that, it opens up some other doors. My opposition to stage shows isn't about other people watching; it's about consent. I could probably totally do a properly-negotiated demo-type thing. Hmm!
Showing posts with label analysis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label analysis. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
textures and sensations
I used to think I was a strictly visual person; things always made most sense to me if I could see a picture of them. When I started playing with 'tists this summer, then, I identified myself as a generally visual person.
However, it turns out that, at least as far as hypnosis goes, I'm a pretty kinesthetic person. Touch improves my trance, and indeed, I can go under with the right touch alone; and I'm much better at tactile hallucination than visual ones (so far, at least).
With that in mind, I was explaining to V the other night about my fascination with waffle-weave. You know, this stuff, but for shirts it's finer. I always think people wearing waffle-weave shirts (generally men, I don't see too many women wearing them) are really hot, solely on the basis of their clothing. I also have a thing for short, messy hair.
It hit me, as I was explaining it to her, why I find those things particularly attractive: because they have memorable and well-defined textures. And whenever I see someone with messy hair or in a waffle-weave shirt, my mind on some level goes straight to "we're making out and I'm running my hands ALL OVER that glorious texture."
Guess I'm pretty kinesthetic!
However, it turns out that, at least as far as hypnosis goes, I'm a pretty kinesthetic person. Touch improves my trance, and indeed, I can go under with the right touch alone; and I'm much better at tactile hallucination than visual ones (so far, at least).
With that in mind, I was explaining to V the other night about my fascination with waffle-weave. You know, this stuff, but for shirts it's finer. I always think people wearing waffle-weave shirts (generally men, I don't see too many women wearing them) are really hot, solely on the basis of their clothing. I also have a thing for short, messy hair.
It hit me, as I was explaining it to her, why I find those things particularly attractive: because they have memorable and well-defined textures. And whenever I see someone with messy hair or in a waffle-weave shirt, my mind on some level goes straight to "we're making out and I'm running my hands ALL OVER that glorious texture."
Guess I'm pretty kinesthetic!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Craving
If I'm reading a story that has an induction in it, I'm either masturbating to it, or reading along to see if it puts me under. I almost always do the former, but sometimes I'm just overwhelmed with this desire to feel hypnotized, this burning need to be made mindless and obedient and sleepy, and the type of porn I'm into generally fits the bill.
After experiencing actual hypnosis and control from a 'tist who knows what he's doing, I'm feeling like that, but moreso. Not constantly, but if I get to thinking about it too much, or even if I start reading stories to distract me, I get, er, distracted with thoughts of things I'd like to have him do to me.
It's not unlike the way I felt about sex that one time when I was ovulating, actually. But when my focus is hypnosis it has much more of a submissive, begging kind of quality to it; it's less of a sexually agressive feeling.
In any case, it's not like I'm not going to get my wishes. AmHypnotic and I have done some negotiation for further play, and that will probably happen over skype later this week. And of course, there's the hypno play party this saturday, which I am super excited for!
But it's only tuesday! sigh!
After experiencing actual hypnosis and control from a 'tist who knows what he's doing, I'm feeling like that, but moreso. Not constantly, but if I get to thinking about it too much, or even if I start reading stories to distract me, I get, er, distracted with thoughts of things I'd like to have him do to me.
It's not unlike the way I felt about sex that one time when I was ovulating, actually. But when my focus is hypnosis it has much more of a submissive, begging kind of quality to it; it's less of a sexually agressive feeling.
In any case, it's not like I'm not going to get my wishes. AmHypnotic and I have done some negotiation for further play, and that will probably happen over skype later this week. And of course, there's the hypno play party this saturday, which I am super excited for!
But it's only tuesday! sigh!
Friday, January 1, 2010
My new year's resolution: awesome sex all the time
Delicious drinks were had on new year's eve, and I've unscientifically determined a bit about alcohol and me! Basically, alcohol makes me really horny. Really horny. I remarked to Nauzy, "I'm not sure how much of the falling-all-over-you was the alcohol, and how much was my subconscious just wanting an excuse to grope you." Seriously. It was pretty fun.
Interestingly, I had no desire to go under, and indeed, I didn't, while I was intoxicated. Not for a lack of situations where I could've, though. When I'm sober, sometimes Nauzy'll whisper something hypnotic and sexy into my ear, and oops, down I go! He accommodates this by noting if I get motionless or limp (which is usually how I respond to trance), and snapping his fingers, which wakes me up.
Apparently I must've been clinging to him and seemed to go under, because he snapped his fingers at me a few times when I was not at all thinking about trance. I was not interested at all in going under: I was mostly thinking about sex. With him. Lots of it.
While this may seem uncharacteristically vanilla of me, it's really not! What I like about hypnosis is being out of control, and alcohol produces the same effect. The two states don't feel anything alike, mind you; it's just that when I'm intoxicated, there's no need to put me under because I'm already in a state I love to be in.
He used my "feel drunk" trigger later, when we were both sober. It worked (inasmuch as "feel drunk" is synonymous with "feel horny" for me), but it definitely needs to be strengthened now that I've had some real experience.
Meanwhile, my new year's resolution is getting off to a very good start. ;p
Interestingly, I had no desire to go under, and indeed, I didn't, while I was intoxicated. Not for a lack of situations where I could've, though. When I'm sober, sometimes Nauzy'll whisper something hypnotic and sexy into my ear, and oops, down I go! He accommodates this by noting if I get motionless or limp (which is usually how I respond to trance), and snapping his fingers, which wakes me up.
Apparently I must've been clinging to him and seemed to go under, because he snapped his fingers at me a few times when I was not at all thinking about trance. I was not interested at all in going under: I was mostly thinking about sex. With him. Lots of it.
While this may seem uncharacteristically vanilla of me, it's really not! What I like about hypnosis is being out of control, and alcohol produces the same effect. The two states don't feel anything alike, mind you; it's just that when I'm intoxicated, there's no need to put me under because I'm already in a state I love to be in.
He used my "feel drunk" trigger later, when we were both sober. It worked (inasmuch as "feel drunk" is synonymous with "feel horny" for me), but it definitely needs to be strengthened now that I've had some real experience.
Meanwhile, my new year's resolution is getting off to a very good start. ;p
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Story About How Arel Is Really Fucking Suggestible
Hey guys! I'm really, really suggestible! Also: Sky still blue! Film at eleven!
No, seriously, I've known I tend to be more suggestible outside of trance (see: the spectacular results of that waking trance earlier this summer), but I hadn't realized to what extent. Here is how I found out: I've been a good college kid, so far; haven't gone to any parties and gotten really drunk like, um, you're supposed to do, or something. I mentioned a while ago (no, a while; like, a year ago) to Nauzy that I've always thought it might be hot to get drunk and have sex. This, I've since realized, is probably because of the cultural expectation that alcohol makes one less inhibited, and what is hypnosis if not lowering people's inhibitions?
So, Nauzy, even before we got into hypnosis, always agreed with me that it would probably be hot. We never got around to me trying anything alcoholic, though, till last weekend.
I considered this kind of a test run; a pilot study, if you will. I basically sampled all the liquors, and several liquers, that he had on hand (Nauzy's been overage much longer than I have :p), after eating dinner, which was mostly chicken. I had maybe a few mouthfuls total.
But, since I was having alcohol, and I don't know what my tolerance is like, I started feeling really... wierd, merely under the cultural suggestion that alcohol does things to you. I started feeling lightheaded and unsteady on my feet. I got giggly. And, most interestingly, I started feeling really aroused. No, really, I was really, really, really turned on. Most likely because I was feeling out-of-control, and of course Nauzy was there to be in control.
The most amusing part, though, is that of course I wasn't actually feeling the effects of alcohol whatsoever. I'd just had a bunch of protein, which slows the metabolization of alcohol, so there's no way I could be getting tipsy that quickly; and I didn't have much at all in the first place. So I can conclude that anything I felt was merely suggestion, which, you know, isn't surprising at all, what with all the other shenanigans I get up to :p
The sex after was completely vanilla but excellent, for the record. And I didn't much like any of the things I tried, except the Frangelico. I'm told it's an acquired taste. I suppose next weekend we'll see how I react to alcohol in reality. In the meantime, I'm thinking that it might make more sense for Nauzy to give me suggestions when I'm awake, if this is any indication. :p
No, seriously, I've known I tend to be more suggestible outside of trance (see: the spectacular results of that waking trance earlier this summer), but I hadn't realized to what extent. Here is how I found out: I've been a good college kid, so far; haven't gone to any parties and gotten really drunk like, um, you're supposed to do, or something. I mentioned a while ago (no, a while; like, a year ago) to Nauzy that I've always thought it might be hot to get drunk and have sex. This, I've since realized, is probably because of the cultural expectation that alcohol makes one less inhibited, and what is hypnosis if not lowering people's inhibitions?
So, Nauzy, even before we got into hypnosis, always agreed with me that it would probably be hot. We never got around to me trying anything alcoholic, though, till last weekend.
I considered this kind of a test run; a pilot study, if you will. I basically sampled all the liquors, and several liquers, that he had on hand (Nauzy's been overage much longer than I have :p), after eating dinner, which was mostly chicken. I had maybe a few mouthfuls total.
But, since I was having alcohol, and I don't know what my tolerance is like, I started feeling really... wierd, merely under the cultural suggestion that alcohol does things to you. I started feeling lightheaded and unsteady on my feet. I got giggly. And, most interestingly, I started feeling really aroused. No, really, I was really, really, really turned on. Most likely because I was feeling out-of-control, and of course Nauzy was there to be in control.
The most amusing part, though, is that of course I wasn't actually feeling the effects of alcohol whatsoever. I'd just had a bunch of protein, which slows the metabolization of alcohol, so there's no way I could be getting tipsy that quickly; and I didn't have much at all in the first place. So I can conclude that anything I felt was merely suggestion, which, you know, isn't surprising at all, what with all the other shenanigans I get up to :p
The sex after was completely vanilla but excellent, for the record. And I didn't much like any of the things I tried, except the Frangelico. I'm told it's an acquired taste. I suppose next weekend we'll see how I react to alcohol in reality. In the meantime, I'm thinking that it might make more sense for Nauzy to give me suggestions when I'm awake, if this is any indication. :p
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Open-eye trances
So Nauzy's gotten good enough to do pretty hot eye-focus inductions. Or, you know, something resembling them; I go under so fast I'm not sure it's fair to call it an induction. :p
The other day he put me under and told me to keep my eyes open, and it was awesome. It was quite different from an eyes-closed trance. Since I'm not used to being under with my eyes open (I associate open eyes with being awake), I found I had to focus quite a bit on staying under, which worked nicely because it tied up most of my conscious mind, and left my subconscious mind free to take suggestions. I rather like the way hypnotized people in movies and such sometimes have blank, open eyes, and Nauzy seems to like that look as well. :p A+; will try again.
In other news, we finally made it to the erotic hypnosis munch in Boston, and got to meet many excellent people I'm sure I'll get to know well, once we can make it out again.
Back to sexy things, he pulled off a really, really hot... I don't know what to call it. I was mostly awake, lying down (I say "mostly," because he put on his Voice and I wavered a bit). I didn't want to get up. He was sitting next to me, murmuring in my ear something about how he may or may not have given me a suggestion, but that I might just find myself sitting right up when he snapped his fingers.
"You didn't give me a suggestion like that," I said, smirking. "I'd remember it."
"Didn't I?" He raised his eyebrows. "But it doesn't matter if I did or if I didn't, because I think when I snap my fingers in a minute it'll be soo easy for you to sit right up," and in a minute, he snapped his fingers, and I sat up.
I honestly don't know what to call it, but the way he set it up and worded it was awesome, and perfect, and totally hot. And I told him so. :p And, of course, sitting up is probably a good thing to start with if he's going to be making me do things on command. Positive reinforcement and all that, and sitting up doesn't have any of the "humiliating trick" associations I make with some common suggestions (forgetting a number, for example. I'm not sure if you could convince me to forget a number, then wake me up and make me count. Maybe if I went really deep, and it was in private, and we'd agreed to it beforehand). I digress. It was excellent. I definitely want more of those, whatever we call them.
Interestingly, though, and probably because I was awake when he started: I made a semi-conscious decision in the very back of my head to comply with what he wanted after I knew what it was. It was like, "sitting up? Oh, I can do that, no problem. But will I?" And I left some suspense for myself. It made me feel a little like I had too much control over the situation-- after all, I know I could've said "no, I won't do that, Nauzy," and, you know, not done it. I kind of crave not having a choice in obeying commands, and fear it very much; enough, I guess, that I run suggestions by myself before I accept them, both on a conscious and subconscious level.
....you know, which is kind of the point; that's what's supposed to happen, after all. So maybe it's not that wierd, anyways. I just wish I wasn't aware of it as much as I am, and I wist I wouldn't start, when I'm under and he gives me a suggestion, and contemplate what he's saying. Maybe we can avoid that if he's more subtle with the way he puts in suggestions. Hmmm.
The other day he put me under and told me to keep my eyes open, and it was awesome. It was quite different from an eyes-closed trance. Since I'm not used to being under with my eyes open (I associate open eyes with being awake), I found I had to focus quite a bit on staying under, which worked nicely because it tied up most of my conscious mind, and left my subconscious mind free to take suggestions. I rather like the way hypnotized people in movies and such sometimes have blank, open eyes, and Nauzy seems to like that look as well. :p A+; will try again.
In other news, we finally made it to the erotic hypnosis munch in Boston, and got to meet many excellent people I'm sure I'll get to know well, once we can make it out again.
Back to sexy things, he pulled off a really, really hot... I don't know what to call it. I was mostly awake, lying down (I say "mostly," because he put on his Voice and I wavered a bit). I didn't want to get up. He was sitting next to me, murmuring in my ear something about how he may or may not have given me a suggestion, but that I might just find myself sitting right up when he snapped his fingers.
"You didn't give me a suggestion like that," I said, smirking. "I'd remember it."
"Didn't I?" He raised his eyebrows. "But it doesn't matter if I did or if I didn't, because I think when I snap my fingers in a minute it'll be soo easy for you to sit right up," and in a minute, he snapped his fingers, and I sat up.
I honestly don't know what to call it, but the way he set it up and worded it was awesome, and perfect, and totally hot. And I told him so. :p And, of course, sitting up is probably a good thing to start with if he's going to be making me do things on command. Positive reinforcement and all that, and sitting up doesn't have any of the "humiliating trick" associations I make with some common suggestions (forgetting a number, for example. I'm not sure if you could convince me to forget a number, then wake me up and make me count. Maybe if I went really deep, and it was in private, and we'd agreed to it beforehand). I digress. It was excellent. I definitely want more of those, whatever we call them.
Interestingly, though, and probably because I was awake when he started: I made a semi-conscious decision in the very back of my head to comply with what he wanted after I knew what it was. It was like, "sitting up? Oh, I can do that, no problem. But will I?" And I left some suspense for myself. It made me feel a little like I had too much control over the situation-- after all, I know I could've said "no, I won't do that, Nauzy," and, you know, not done it. I kind of crave not having a choice in obeying commands, and fear it very much; enough, I guess, that I run suggestions by myself before I accept them, both on a conscious and subconscious level.
....you know, which is kind of the point; that's what's supposed to happen, after all. So maybe it's not that wierd, anyways. I just wish I wasn't aware of it as much as I am, and I wist I wouldn't start, when I'm under and he gives me a suggestion, and contemplate what he's saying. Maybe we can avoid that if he's more subtle with the way he puts in suggestions. Hmmm.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The "why" post
When I was receiving new thread notifications from the Submissive Women and the Comfy Chair groups on fetlife, at least once a week someone'd start a thread to the effect of: "why are we like this?" Here's my take on it.
There is a theory (heard it from the marvelous Dan Savage, I'm not sure if it's his or not) that some fetishes come from an intense fear, and the mind turns it into a sexual obsession in order to cope. I think that theory has some merit, at least for me, because I always have feared losing control or losing bodily autonomy. I hate and am really really terrified of local anesthesia, because I'm awake but I can't make use of whatever body part has been numbed. It's creepy, I'm not in control of my own body, and I hate it. But at the same time... I like being tied up, and I adore having my mind shut down so that I can't help but follow orders. It is an amusing contradiction.
I was mulling this over the other day with Nauzy, and we tried to see if he gets turned on by any of his fears. No such luck. "Maybe it's a matter of correlation rather than causation," he said. Possibly so. "That, and I'm sure the lingerie and high-heels fetishists weren't scared of them as kids," I replied, amused by the idea. "But consider this: the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) is involved in arousal and orgasm.... yet the parasympathetic nervous system (it does the opposite) has a hand in there too."
Who knows? There're probably quite a few different ways people develop fetishes or were born with them. Mine seems to be a fear response, though there's got to be more to it. Maybe the predilection to have fetishes is genetic, but needs to be triggered somehow. Maybe it's a matter of conditioning: someone likes masturbating to a certain kind of porn, and then it becomes the only kind of porn they can get off to (though, the turn-on would've still been there in the first place somehow...).
I think the only conclusion we can make is: human sexuality is immensely complicated, and I don't envy anyone researching it. :p
There is a theory (heard it from the marvelous Dan Savage, I'm not sure if it's his or not) that some fetishes come from an intense fear, and the mind turns it into a sexual obsession in order to cope. I think that theory has some merit, at least for me, because I always have feared losing control or losing bodily autonomy. I hate and am really really terrified of local anesthesia, because I'm awake but I can't make use of whatever body part has been numbed. It's creepy, I'm not in control of my own body, and I hate it. But at the same time... I like being tied up, and I adore having my mind shut down so that I can't help but follow orders. It is an amusing contradiction.
I was mulling this over the other day with Nauzy, and we tried to see if he gets turned on by any of his fears. No such luck. "Maybe it's a matter of correlation rather than causation," he said. Possibly so. "That, and I'm sure the lingerie and high-heels fetishists weren't scared of them as kids," I replied, amused by the idea. "But consider this: the sympathetic nervous system (the fight-or-flight response) is involved in arousal and orgasm.... yet the parasympathetic nervous system (it does the opposite) has a hand in there too."
Who knows? There're probably quite a few different ways people develop fetishes or were born with them. Mine seems to be a fear response, though there's got to be more to it. Maybe the predilection to have fetishes is genetic, but needs to be triggered somehow. Maybe it's a matter of conditioning: someone likes masturbating to a certain kind of porn, and then it becomes the only kind of porn they can get off to (though, the turn-on would've still been there in the first place somehow...).
I think the only conclusion we can make is: human sexuality is immensely complicated, and I don't envy anyone researching it. :p
Monday, December 1, 2008
What we did before the end of break!
Alright, break's over, nose back to the grindstone. Thanksgiving was last thursday; it was very nice, and I got to see Nauzy lots because I had no classes after tuesday. And he expressed much frustration at not getting to put me under enough. :D
I did try to get him to make a post, but he was all, "I don't know what to type!" So I told him, if he ever feels like it, to put up an induction script, because I rarely remember them and I know people want to see them.
In any case, yesterday we made a concerted effort to just do hypnosis, though not after some miscommunication. He put me under a ways, and then started moving me around to take my clothes off, and I sat up and said, "why?" (my subconscious has no trouble at all asserting itself when it needs to. I didn't even think about it before I woke up. :p) Because I thought he was just going to put me under, no bells and whistles. I hadn't said as much explicitly (which, as I am learning, is what "communication" means), so he hadn't realized. He was trying to surprise me, actually.
We worked it out and then had two really good trances out of a few attempts. And I discovered that I am not, in fact, that good of a judge of how deep I am when I'm hypnotized. Both times, if he'd asked me when I was under, I would have said I was very deep but not blank; but after he woke me up I would have said that I was indeed blank, especially compared to how awake I feel when I'm, well, awake. I barely remembered anything.
The best part, in my opinion, was that both times I went that deep inside of twenty minutes! I am almost certain it was the result of having consumed no caffeine that day, which is something I will be keeping in mind.
In short; a good weekend, progress is being made. Nauzy has a number of deepeners under his belt now, and I'm learning how to go under easily.
I did try to get him to make a post, but he was all, "I don't know what to type!" So I told him, if he ever feels like it, to put up an induction script, because I rarely remember them and I know people want to see them.
In any case, yesterday we made a concerted effort to just do hypnosis, though not after some miscommunication. He put me under a ways, and then started moving me around to take my clothes off, and I sat up and said, "why?" (my subconscious has no trouble at all asserting itself when it needs to. I didn't even think about it before I woke up. :p) Because I thought he was just going to put me under, no bells and whistles. I hadn't said as much explicitly (which, as I am learning, is what "communication" means), so he hadn't realized. He was trying to surprise me, actually.
We worked it out and then had two really good trances out of a few attempts. And I discovered that I am not, in fact, that good of a judge of how deep I am when I'm hypnotized. Both times, if he'd asked me when I was under, I would have said I was very deep but not blank; but after he woke me up I would have said that I was indeed blank, especially compared to how awake I feel when I'm, well, awake. I barely remembered anything.
The best part, in my opinion, was that both times I went that deep inside of twenty minutes! I am almost certain it was the result of having consumed no caffeine that day, which is something I will be keeping in mind.
In short; a good weekend, progress is being made. Nauzy has a number of deepeners under his belt now, and I'm learning how to go under easily.
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