Ovulation

So, for the duration of my relationship with Nauzy, I was on the pill for birth control. I stopped taking it about a month ago; it worked fine for me, but I wanted to get back in touch with my body and other hippie-like things. :p

In any event, I ovulated last month, a few weeks ago, for the first time since I've become sexually active. It was basically two days of fucking awesome (though sadly not two days of awesome fucking), and I've been trying to figure out what I liked about it so much. Mostly because I've been gushing about it to people, and they've been asking what was so awesome about it, and I didn't really have an answer for them.

While ovulating, I felt confident, sexy, and generally much less inhibited. I was also horny for the better part of 48 hours, as you'd expect. Not in an "uugh I am so sexually frustrated BLAH" sort of way, like I've felt in the past; rather, it was a completely unbidden, really sensual sort of experience. I felt like I really needed cock (that was my exact line of thought at one point*), but I also felt like if I were to get cock then that I would enjoy it like I'd never enjoyed sex before. I was also hallucinating stuff really nicely.** Here's an excerpt from my journal:

So, two days ago, at the munch, I flipped through a couple of how-to-do-sexy-bondage books. They aroused me more than bondage normally does, and more than I would have expected from, you know, a how-to book. I went home and masturbated and had the most incredible orgasm, twice. I chalked it up to not having been laid, and not having been laid kinkily, for about six months.

Yesterday I was supposed to meet this guy for a date that might possibly lead to sex in the near future. Due to a misunderstanding on my part, we missed each other. As I was sitting in the cafe, waiting for him to show up, I very vividly and suddenly imagined him, sitting across from me, leaning over the table to kiss me, hard, with tongue. And it was so weird, because I could almost feel, on my lips, what a kiss would feel like, and how good it would feel, right then, and my stomach dropped in the most pleasing way that it does when I really. want. sex. I went home, masturbated some more, had some more friggin' awesome orgasms.

I should also add that, when I was trying to decide what to wear on the date, I decided "aw, fuckit, heels it is," when I never wear high heels, and have never worn high heels to a first meeting with someone. For some reason, I associate wearing sneakers and conservative t-shirts with being capable and in control, and skirts and heels with being out of control (or in someone else's control). since you have to be somewhat cautious on a first meeting, not being in control is not ideal. Dressing up for a first meeting makes me anxious. But this time, it didn't; probably because I already felt out of control.

I wasn't sure when I was going to ovulate that cycle, or if I was going to at all (first couple months off the pill are usually a little wonky), so I wasn't expecting it. And then, pow, all of a sudden I was horny and thinking about sex all the time, and masturbating five times a day, and doing things like having a working imagination. It's rather like I was triggered! Hmmm!

I think the disinhibition and spontaneity I felt are the keys to why it was so awesome. My personality is usually very cautious and inhibited and anxious (or neurotic, in psychologist jargon), so not feeling that was... well, freeing, at the very least. Combine that with arousal, and ovulation starts to look like the way I feel on alcohol, or the way I'd love a trigger to make me feel.

Fascinating! And hot!

*I think I was thinking about sex with my roommate when I thought that. My roommate is hot, and sex with her would be fun, but she is cisgendered and therefore lacks cock. I wanted a fucking by a cis man, so she simply would not do.

**This bit is actually... well, let's put it this way: I am TERRIBLE at hallucinating things when a 'tist tells me to. But I am clearly capable of hallucinating tactile sensations, as this, er, episode reveals!