A Number on my Subconscious!

I went deep today, deeper than I usually go. It probably had something to do with all of the utterly awesome and exhausting sex that went on both before and after trance. *makes notes*

He gave me a bunch of suggestions, of course, and I only remember one: it was that I'd feel the need to press my body up against him more often (while spooning and when hanging out in general). He needs to give me suggestions like this, of course, because, well, I love spooning, but I like my space too. :p

After he woke me up, that was the only suggestion I remembered clearly, so being the inner skeptic/brat that I am, I ran some mental tests. It did feel really good to cuddle so closely (and I was while I was thinking about it XD) ...but was that due to the sex? I tried to picture what I'd done in the past after sex. I usually roll over and get as far away from his sweaty self as possible, don't I?

What're you talking about? My subconscious seemed to say. You love cuddling after sex! And, try as I might, every time I tried to picture what I did, my mental self always -- always-- snuggled very closely up against him.

I have to say, it was deeply amusing watching my conscious and subconscious minds argue a bit. :p

Oh, and while I'm here. He used some nice passive forgetful wording ("you can let yourself leave these suggestions in trance") and when I was coming up, he described it as if I were waking up from a heavy sleep, and I seemed to take that as me waking up and forgetting a dream, ie, the suggestions. I'm impressed. :D

In which I am very, very obedient

Okay, time I posted some sexy stuff. Nauzy and I have done some marvelous things of late. They seem to all blend together in my mind, though, so I am taking huge amounts of creative license.

I have gotten so very good at becoming so very blank and compliant when he so much as whispers in his Voice. Remember how I used to want so badly to go blank all the time? We don't even worry about it anymore, because when I'm under I might as well be blank. I get so receptive and calm and helpless and mmmm.

I mentioned to him that I thought it'd be particularly hot if he made me say things when I was under. So we got naked and he put me under when I wasn't even expecting it.

"I want you to repeat after me," he said. "'I am deeply hypnotized.'"
"I am deeply hypnotized."
"'I love being hypnotized.'"
"I love being hypnotized."
"'I am completely helpless.'"
"I am completely helpless."
It feels good to be helpless. I love being helpless. It feels so wonderful to be helpless. How does it feel to be helpless? So wonderful.

It actually wasn't as hot as I'd thought it would be. But it was still pretty nice. Somewhere in there I have a vague memory of him giving me suggestions that I loved obeying him, and I'd want to obey him even when I was awake.

..that one was hot. And it worked oh so well. The next night we were saying goodnight out at my car, and he made an offhand comment about how obedient I was and how much I would love kneeling and doing his bidding... and all of a sudden I noticed that my knees were giving way. I was starting to kneel without even having been given a direct command!

"Uh, d'you really want me to kneel in the parking lot...?" I asked. He pulled me back up and kissed me. "Probably not, no. But you are a very obedient, good girl, aren't you?"

I squirmed.

Microtrance

As I have repeated many a time, Nauzy and I don't have a lot of time or privacy to do good, solid, uber-deep trances these days. But he still likes having me go under, and of course I still love going under, so he's taken to putting me under for just a few minutes at a time. This has had the best possible effect: I can now go very deeply and passively very quickly, at just a few soothing, quiet words from him.

And, figure I should follow-up: the orientation issues worked themselves out (I am now comfortable attracted to girls), and my sex drive has reappeared.

Awesome. :D

To Clarify:

Nauzy and I found a trick that helps me go really deep really fast: backrubs. We were hanging around the other day, not really having the intention to put me under (but he likes to spring trances on me these days, even if they're little ones :D)... and some way or another I got him to give me a backrub. I started visibly relaxing almost immediately: my shoulders drooped, and I felt all warm and mmmmm-y. When he started the induction (I try to make note of these things but can never remember them ;) I went deep to the almost-blanking-out point within ten minutes. Pretty spectacular; I know we'll be doing this more in the future. Which is great, because I love backrubs.

What we did before the end of break!

Alright, break's over, nose back to the grindstone. Thanksgiving was last thursday; it was very nice, and I got to see Nauzy lots because I had no classes after tuesday. And he expressed much frustration at not getting to put me under enough. :D

I did try to get him to make a post, but he was all, "I don't know what to type!" So I told him, if he ever feels like it, to put up an induction script, because I rarely remember them and I know people want to see them.

In any case, yesterday we made a concerted effort to just do hypnosis, though not after some miscommunication. He put me under a ways, and then started moving me around to take my clothes off, and I sat up and said, "why?" (my subconscious has no trouble at all asserting itself when it needs to. I didn't even think about it before I woke up. :p) Because I thought he was just going to put me under, no bells and whistles. I hadn't said as much explicitly (which, as I am learning, is what "communication" means), so he hadn't realized. He was trying to surprise me, actually.

We worked it out and then had two really good trances out of a few attempts. And I discovered that I am not, in fact, that good of a judge of how deep I am when I'm hypnotized. Both times, if he'd asked me when I was under, I would have said I was very deep but not blank; but after he woke me up I would have said that I was indeed blank, especially compared to how awake I feel when I'm, well, awake. I barely remembered anything.

The best part, in my opinion, was that both times I went that deep inside of twenty minutes! I am almost certain it was the result of having consumed no caffeine that day, which is something I will be keeping in mind.

In short; a good weekend, progress is being made. Nauzy has a number of deepeners under his belt now, and I'm learning how to go under easily.

First Security Check

So, remember once upon a time Nauzy gave me a few security suggestions, because I was having trust issues? Well, we found that they work remarkably well.

I told him last week that it would be hot if he put me under and I woke up being fucked, not remembering anything in between. Kind of like what Claire wanted in chapter three of Busman's Holiday (terrible that I know that :p). Apparently the idea appealed to him too, because that's what he set out to do when I let him have his way with me this weekend.

He used a trigger he put in a while back where he kind of shouts "sleep!" and I go under. I prefer one where he doesn't shout, but as long as I go deep it doesn't really matter in the end. :p He rambled a while, and I went further down, then he used a staircase deepener. I really like his staircase deepeners; I'm usually terrible about visualization, but they work well for me. Probably because I'm sleep-deprived and can relate oh-so thoroughly to the idea of wanting to just tumble into a big bed with soft, fluffy pillows...

Eventually I was pretty much out (navy blue, but definitely not blank), so he started to take my clothes off. Now, the room was cold, and even though I was in his bed under some blankets, my naked self started to get cold, and colder still when he moved the blankets to hop in with me. But I was deep, so I'd go along with what he wanted, then think, "but I'm cooold, and what is he doing; I should wake up and say something..." and then I'd be like, "but I'm sooo comfortable right now, I don't wanna wake up..." and I'd kick my skirt off my ankles or whatever.

Here I will note that being hypnotized seemed to override my reflex to shiver; I just didn't.

Eventually we were both naked, and he moved to see how wet I was. He dipped a finger in me, and I heard, "oh, you are a bit wet..." Now you guys all know that sex just does not feel good if the woman's not wet (unless she's a masochist, and let me tell you, I am the anti-masochist :p). I didn't question the fact that I'd been under for a while, and hypnosis rarely fails to make me eight kinds of dripping... but I was hypnotized. So my poor literal subconscious was all, "okay, I'm not that wet; he'll talk to me some more or something." But I felt Nauzy move to enter me, and my eyes flew open and I said, terrified, "but I'm not wet!"

And then it was kind of awkward, because I was completely awake (and I mean completely awake) and Nauzy felt terrible, and I felt violated on some level. Which bothered me, because nothing bad had happened and I shouldn't've wanted to curl up fully clothed somewhere else. But the evening ended on a sour note, unfortunately.

Nevertheless, I try to keep a glass-half-full frame of mind, and the plus side is that I didn't hesitate to wake up when I felt I was in danger (yes, any kind of pain is danger to me. :p). So my security works well, and that's good.

A Treatise on Lace

There are a few stereotypes about red-blooded young males that most girls pick up by the time they've graduated from high school:
1. They only ever want one thing.
2. They think that two girls kissing is extremely hot.
3. Black, lacy underwear is really sexy.

Now, I call them stereotypes for a reason; not all guys are of that mindset... but Nauzy, for the most part, is. :p And for us, as a couple, that's not a problem generally: our sex drives match up pretty well, I'm somewhat bisexual, and I like wearing black... but the lace, not so much.

I have never, ever been a fan of lacy anything. Lace is frilly and girly in a way that I am not, and lace on bras or panties makes me think of awkward things. This is not helped by the fact that underthings never have just a little lace; they've always got to be plastered with it.

Therefore, I suggested that he, er, suggest to me that I'll enjoy wearing lace more. He agreed, we came up with a rough draft suggestion, aiming to get me to think about his hands roaming all over me when I think of lace. (and can I just take a moment to say that really blunt, direct communication like this works wonders. Talking about suggestions beforehand lets me enjoy the ride more and I feel more confident in what he's doing. good stuff.)

So the trance. He started taking me down, using my trigger, which works beeeautifully these days. It had been a long day for me, and I think that's why I started blanking out right about when he started giving the suggestion. I stopped listening to the words and tuned in to the sound of his voice, and the navy blue of very deep trance started to get flecked with black; oh so warm and comfortable... and next thing I knew I was waking up.

Oh yeah, it was one of those. I didn't remember anything. Maybe a bit about telling him how deep I was, but after that, nada. And oh, what a thrill! I love the idea of knowing that the 'tist has done something to my mind that I don't know. I'm so clearly not in control and I don't know what's coming next, and, of course, I'm completely helpless to stop it. Mmm.

It wasn't my/our intent for this to happen with something, well, so mundane, but I don't think either of us is complaining. If anything, Nauzy's getting a bigger kick out of it than I am... He mentioned last night something about me having "two more days."

"Two more days for what?" I asked, thinking, Columbus day vacation was last week...
"You don't remember?"
I squirmed. "No! What'd you do to me?!"
"You really don't remember... oh, nothing." I could hear him smirk.

Oh, my. What have I created... ;)

First Experiences With Amnesia Play

While I'm wary of freezing triggers, I am an enormous fan of amnesia-play. I'd love to, say, wake up and be tied up and have no idea how I got there. Or have Nauzy say some word and I start reacting somehow, and I know he must've put a trigger in but don't remember it...

But I digress. :p

One quick thing I should clue you in about: Nauzy and I go to different colleges, so during the school year we only see each other about once a month. All of the hypnosis I've blogged about so far has been over skype or, more rarely, over IRC.

But this past weekend was all in person, so we got to have some fun.

We were hanging out in bed, making nerdy pillow-talk, when he triggered me to go into trance. And down I went, into my fuzzy-grey place, deep enough to take suggestions pretty well (though who am I kidding, I take suggestions even when I'm lucid!). This time, the suggestion was that as soon as I woke up, I'd feel an irresistible urge to wrap my arms and legs around him, and I wouldn't stop till he said "pizza"...and that I wouldn't remember that he'd suggested it, I'd just find myself falling all over him.

I'd give you some nice juicy hypnotic dialogue, except that I don't remember it. ;)

So then he woke me up, and I immediately draped my leg over his waist. I think the best way to describe my mental state is that I had a case of doublethink. I remembered quite clearly what he'd suggested, and yet I knew that I wasn't supposed to think about it, so I remembered... but just didn't think about it.

It was a very strange state, and I was sorry to tell him that I knew pretty much what was going on (with my arms around his neck, of course). :p But it was a very fun first attempt, and I expect it'll get better with time.

Also, one more thing: Last night he was installing a safety update, so to speak; putting in a few suggestions and reminders that, no matter how deep I am, I will reject any suggestion that goes past my limits. That's important and good and makes me feel quite safe, but the exciting bit is that I think I've finally figured out how to rank how deep I am properly! I used qualitative ranking instead of a quantitative one, and man, did it work!

There's "really light trance", and "light golden-brown trance", then some deep blue ones... "deep", "deep enough to take suggestions" and "really deep, fire away." then I suppose there's a gap until you get to that wonderful-but-elusive state where I blank out completely.

I'm quite psyched that I've good a good system. Though I think I'll have to find better names if I'm going to be telling them to Nauzy when I'm out!

Reliable Trance: Check.

Nauzy and I had been using a scale of one through ten to gauge how deep I've been going, with one as the deepest. This was probably not the best idea for two reasons: one because I am not a number person at all, and two because it was such a small scale. But it worked for us, at least until I broke it. :p

Once over the summer, and just last night, he asked me how deep I was. And I was so drifty and pliant that all I could come up with was "deep." So he went in and revisited two triggers that we've been flirting with; one to make me ridiculous amounts of horny (he's very keen on me wanting to masturbate uncontrollably), and one to put me back under. Haven't tested them yet, but we probably will tonight or tomorrow. Squee. (hm, scratch that, Heroes returns tonight; make that tomorrow or wednesday.)


One thing I would like to ramble about is his Voice. His non-hypno voice isn't really anything special, I have to say. It's quiet and slow and pretty normal-sounding, and I hadn't thought it would make a good Voice until he started his first induction.... and oh, how wrong I was. His Voice is the stuff of MC porn, I swear: it's smooth and rich and deep, and just flows over everything. Makes my eyelids droop oh-so pleasantly. :D