First Security Check

So, remember once upon a time Nauzy gave me a few security suggestions, because I was having trust issues? Well, we found that they work remarkably well.

I told him last week that it would be hot if he put me under and I woke up being fucked, not remembering anything in between. Kind of like what Claire wanted in chapter three of Busman's Holiday (terrible that I know that :p). Apparently the idea appealed to him too, because that's what he set out to do when I let him have his way with me this weekend.

He used a trigger he put in a while back where he kind of shouts "sleep!" and I go under. I prefer one where he doesn't shout, but as long as I go deep it doesn't really matter in the end. :p He rambled a while, and I went further down, then he used a staircase deepener. I really like his staircase deepeners; I'm usually terrible about visualization, but they work well for me. Probably because I'm sleep-deprived and can relate oh-so thoroughly to the idea of wanting to just tumble into a big bed with soft, fluffy pillows...

Eventually I was pretty much out (navy blue, but definitely not blank), so he started to take my clothes off. Now, the room was cold, and even though I was in his bed under some blankets, my naked self started to get cold, and colder still when he moved the blankets to hop in with me. But I was deep, so I'd go along with what he wanted, then think, "but I'm cooold, and what is he doing; I should wake up and say something..." and then I'd be like, "but I'm sooo comfortable right now, I don't wanna wake up..." and I'd kick my skirt off my ankles or whatever.

Here I will note that being hypnotized seemed to override my reflex to shiver; I just didn't.

Eventually we were both naked, and he moved to see how wet I was. He dipped a finger in me, and I heard, "oh, you are a bit wet..." Now you guys all know that sex just does not feel good if the woman's not wet (unless she's a masochist, and let me tell you, I am the anti-masochist :p). I didn't question the fact that I'd been under for a while, and hypnosis rarely fails to make me eight kinds of dripping... but I was hypnotized. So my poor literal subconscious was all, "okay, I'm not that wet; he'll talk to me some more or something." But I felt Nauzy move to enter me, and my eyes flew open and I said, terrified, "but I'm not wet!"

And then it was kind of awkward, because I was completely awake (and I mean completely awake) and Nauzy felt terrible, and I felt violated on some level. Which bothered me, because nothing bad had happened and I shouldn't've wanted to curl up fully clothed somewhere else. But the evening ended on a sour note, unfortunately.

Nevertheless, I try to keep a glass-half-full frame of mind, and the plus side is that I didn't hesitate to wake up when I felt I was in danger (yes, any kind of pain is danger to me. :p). So my security works well, and that's good.